Relationship Advice Forum with April Masini

I Bee-Lieve

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Communication

Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
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  • January 8, 2016 at 1:50 am #1741
    Pinkmonstaa
    Participant

    Good evening or morning that is lol , I’ve been dating this guy who I knew since elementary school but we never talked in those days .. It’s been three months since we’ve been a thing or whatever but what frustrates me more is the communication. Let me also add, that he still lives in Brooklyn and I’m out on Long Island now .. We both work but our schedules are opposite , he work late shifts and I work early shifts or mid day shifts basically .. What upsets me the most with him is communication….like the before we even became a couple he was always messaging me on Facebook and wasn’t afraid to double text me or anything … Now it’s like I’m lucky to get a text .. Another thing , his Facebook always shows he’s active like 10 minutes or something but he seems to never text me back , like I don’t understand .. Is it me or is it a guy thing idk ! I already reminded him 3 times about this communication thing , and of course he apologizes each time and admits it is complicated and the distance between us is more complicated … So I’m stuck on what to do with him .. Advice?

    January 8, 2016 at 12:59 pm #10855
    April Masini
    Keymaster

    I completely understand about your communication being an issue… especially since you describe the relationship: [quote]It’s been three months since we’ve been [b]a thing or whatever….[/b][/quote] A ‘thing or whatever’? If you’re not sure what the relationship is, it makes a lot of sense that your communication stemming from the relationship is going to be confusing! So decide! If you want to be his girlfriend, then you have to act like a girlfriend. Let him be the one to initiate dates, contact, etc. if you want to be in the friend zone, which I don’t recommend, but some people want it, then expect murky communication. If you do write back, let me know how old you both are.

    And let me know if you have any more questions. I’m happy to help.

    January 8, 2016 at 1:07 pm #17122
    Pinkmonstaa
    Participant

    Okay the reason why I said whatever because I don’t feel like his girlfriend because of the limited communication but he says we’re girlfriend and boyfriend. But we are young , I’m 20 and he’s 21.

    January 8, 2016 at 1:13 pm #21293
    April Masini
    Keymaster

    Got it! 🙂 So, you’re young — but not too young to learn some dating tips! If you let him lead… by sitting on your hands, so to speak, and letting him be the one to initiate communication, getting together, and any other contact, you’ll have a better idea of how he really feels about you. Clarity is wonderful — but it can also be disappointing if he’s not behaving the way you want him to. This is part of having a relationship, or deciding you don’t want one…. You’re getting to know him (and he, you), through this process that can be frustrating, and sometimes rewarding.

    Since you’ve got some geographical distance between you and some time frame during the day distance between you, it’s a good idea to really think about how that’s going to affect your relationship. You probably won’t be able to see each other during the week, so weekends will become more important. And contacting each other is also going to be a challenge because of your schedules, so be more flexible than you normally would. Try letting him show you his “communication colors”, even if you don’t like them…. so you can really tell what his normal is. I get the feeling you’re trying to get your needs met, but my suggestion is that you be a little more flexible, creative and slower to act…. give this relationship a chance to play out given your distance, schedules, and ages.

    Does that help?

    January 8, 2016 at 1:19 pm #22552
    Pinkmonstaa
    Participant

    It does help. So what you’re saying is , just slow down on putting in all the effort and see how his effort comes into play and it would show how he really feels? But I can agree as well how I feel we are still learning much about each other .. I told him couple times about the communication and how it make me feel… I don’t know if he mean to do this cause I haven’t noticed a change yet but he does apologizes for it and stuff .. He’s a bartender in the city , so he has late shifts and where I I work with children so I’m more of the mid day or early mornings type shifts ..

    January 8, 2016 at 1:22 pm #31463
    April Masini
    Keymaster

    Exactly!

    Use the first three months of any relationship to simply decide if you want to continue dating him. If you do, then use the second three months to decide if you want to be monogamous. This takes the pressure off of the relationship to be something too soon. It allows it to unfold, and it allows you both to get to know each other (and yourselves) more deeply and carefully. You both have jobs that are pretty normal, and bartenders who work at night, can find love with childcare givers who work during the day — but it takes creativity, desire to make it work, and patience. That’s your mantra! Creativity, desire to make it work, and patience. 😀

    January 8, 2016 at 1:26 pm #31466
    Pinkmonstaa
    Participant

    Haha I agree! It’s just frustrating because I felt like he wasn’t into me anymore but yes I understand the distance is kind of wacky and we have different work schedules. But he said he’s willing to work it out and I agree , then let’s see how far it goes. Like I said, we’re both pretty young and if it doesn’t work out now , maybe come back to each other if we wanted to in the future.

    January 8, 2016 at 8:12 pm #31479
    April Masini
    Keymaster

    Good attitude! 🙂

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