Relationship Advice Forum with April Masini

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April Masini › Relationship Advice Forum › Relationship Advice Forum › whats wrong here? the not so perfect,perfect guy<3

whats wrong here? the not so perfect,perfect guy<3

April Masini › Relationship Advice Forum › Relationship Advice Forum › whats wrong here? the not so perfect,perfect guy<3

Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)
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  • January 22, 2010 at 11:03 pm #1789
    ilovehim
    Participant

    ok im a 15year old girl. Ive liked a boy *jared since 7th grade. In 8th grade we started”talking” but he had a gf. I reaally liked him and he liked me so we remained friends. In all honesty i wanted them to breakup but i never tried to break them up because i wouldve rather had him with her and happy than with me and resentful. Well he broke up with his gf during summer vacation after around 9 months of them dating and me and him talking about 7. I tried to be there for him only as a friend of course but he was different he acted like..a d… a different person. so we got into an argument and stopped talking about a week or two before i had realized we didnt have a chance i was talking to a boy *ray and we had started dating. ray was emotionally abusive and sort of controlling but was soo different from any of my previous bfs when school started jared was in 2 of my classes and ray was in my lunch(hes a year older) well i was over jared i had ray, but jared started telling me i deserved better and we started talking again. I knew ray wasnt good to me and we got into an argument a week before my birthday. Well needless to say i realized that i still had feelings for jared and i know he liked me..but he also liked another girl. She was more the prissy type and im more of the shy type. he gave me hugs and stuff but he flirted with the other girl. the other girl liked him too i was torn i wanted to just forget him but a part of me knew he was “perfect for me” he knew everything about me more than anybody and he never judged me so i let nature play its course and to make a long story short. He asked me out on Christmas night,he is my first kiss, i can tell him anything. the thing is..now im worried he is soo in love with me and ive never let a guy really get close to me. another thing is almost every girl in my family and mean ALOT of them have been cheated on. so even though i want to i dont believe a guy can only want to be with one girl and give up all the rest and say he loves a girl and only her like jared tells me. i also crave affection and to be told i love you alot and jared fulfills these wishes and i always want more affection, but then i feel smothered too and i dont know why that is. 🙁 i do care about him alot and i do trust him but im confused…

    January 24, 2010 at 1:02 am #12157
    ilovehim
    Participant

    someone please give some advice or something

    January 25, 2010 at 4:09 pm #12799
    April Masini
    Keymaster

    I know you’re worried about your boyfriend cheating on you, but the reality is twofold:

    1. He’s never cheated on you before.

    2. Sometimes men and women do cheat.

    So if you can accept those two things as fact, you have to understand that there is no insurance policy in love, although what a great idea that would be if there was! 😆 That said, it would be a shame if you didn’t enjoy your relationship with Jared because you have a fear of his cheating on you based on your family members’ experiences. It doesn’t seem like Jared has given you reason to believe he’s going to cheat, so my advice is to proceed with the relationship.

    As for your concern that he’s “soo in love” with you and you’ve never let a guy get close before — I’m not sure what the problem is. Try opening up to him and pushing your comfort zone a little bit and seeing how that is for you. Take baby steps, be self-aware, and try it. As for his being crazy about you, enjoy that. Not everyone feels the same way at the same time, and it’s not abnormal for him to feel more in love with you than you for him at any given time. So allow for the differences. Again, don’t let your discomfort keep you from enjoying this relationship.

    And it’s great that you’re in touch with your need for affection and protestations of love, as well as your fear of being smothered. Try seeing if you can be responsible for accepting the protestations of love, giving them out as well, and then allowing yourself a little space from Jared when you feel smothered, without cutting him off completely. The balance is a trick that takes a couple of tries to get right, but I think you can do it.

    You’re very intuitive and honest, and that’s going to help you a lot in relationships.

    I hope that helps. Good luck! 🙂

    January 28, 2010 at 11:21 am #12421
    ilovehim
    Participant

    [b]thank you!:)[/b]

    January 28, 2010 at 3:52 pm #13042
    April Masini
    Keymaster

    You bet! 😀 Good luck!

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