Letter to boyfriend of two years . . .

This is really to vent and get a grip on the situation. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years+. I am
51 he is 43. I’ve been having difficulty with the relationship for some time and have been clear in communicating
my needs. I say [b]I’ve[/b] been having difficulty, because he’s all good with it. It’s very one-sided. I’m not sure I will deliver the message in letter form, verbally is more likely, so it’s probably really a script. Either way, here it is. Comments/suggested appreciated, but not expected.

As difficult as it is for you to not be feeling well or in pain so much of the time (which has been 9 out
of 12 months since last year), its really hard for me to see you like that. What’s harder is the drain
it has had on me. I am not getting what I need from a relationship that can’t be realized because
you don’t feel well. Each time I think to myself, “ well when he’s feeling better the rest of the
relationship will be better.” Then something else happens and it’s back to waiting to see what happens.

The fact remains, that I am lonely in the relationship even between those times when you aren’t well.
What worries me more is the fact that you have told me that intimacy and sex are not important to you
and that you’ve heard it before in other relationships that this is an issue. If that is the case, it’s OK
for you, but not for me. Doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with either one of us, probably just
means we aren’t compatible in that area. While, that may not be everything, it is important. I’ve been
kind of holding onto the theory that these things are mostly affected by your health and keep hoping for
you to feel better not just for your own quality of life but mine as well. I’ve also told you that the
actual sex part is not that important to me, just being able to be close to you, kiss, hug is lacking. You
are not even receptive to a little attention from me. I feel rejected and unattractive a lot of the time.
You’ve also implied that I’m over-sexed. That’s not true, I’m sex/attention starved. If I would have
some kind of attention/intimate interaction more than once month after I’ve had to ask for it, I would
be happier in between.

This has really been the only thing I’ve asked for from you in the whole time I’ve known you. And, yet
there are other issues which concern me now. Specifically, the future. I’ve been taking care of
and supporting you all this time with the hope and assumption that you would be contributing
to our future. I am at a point now, where I am not comfortable with that aspect either. Which
is another basic need . . . knowing that I would have help in supporting a relationship if I’m in one. I
started a new life a couple of years ago. We hooked up and it was good, probably because I needed
something/someone new and wanted to have fun. And we did. But early on I mentioned
to you that things just weren’t working for me and you assured me all was well and we would
work on things together.

So, why do you hang on to someone you say you love and want to be with even though you aren’t
willing or able to give what they need? I have demonstrated on every level that I am in love with you
and have put a lot into the relationship. If you are honest with yourself, you won’t say that you’ve put
as much into it. It is not your fault that I have done all I’ve done, I’ve made it comfortable, and that was
my choice, but you know what I need and deserve, and tell me you will/can change and will work on
things.

I left you last year and you knew what was what and yet you came to me and wanted to keep on trying
but there has been no improvement in any area of the relationship since then. I need more of and
deserve to have my needs met. If you can’t or won’t, I am OK with that. I can’t hold it against you,
you are you. You ask me why I can’t love you for you sometimes . . . the fact is that I do love you for
you, but maybe not for me.