Frustrated with a friend

April, I’m not even sure if this question even belongs here. Though, it revolves around relationships so here goes. I’m just so upset and I need to rant as I don’t want to burden my friends with something so trivial

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Basically, I met a friend on a social forum over two years ago. It was pretty clear that he was at least somewhat interested in me. He would lightly flirt and send photos. He would be eager to cam together. Anyway, I was already seeing someone pretty seriously and I’m not attracted to my friend physically. I never led him on.

Took ages to finally meet up because he wasn’t comfortable having me over his place when his roommate was over (who happens to be his ex girlfriend). Anyway, we have a great weekend and have tons of fun being friends. That was well over a year ago.

During that year, we had two huge arguments that resulted in not speaking to each other for months each time. The most recent time I was finished with him. Deleted his number and all forms of contact. I admit, I was in the wrong that time and before I deleted everything I apologized, asked if he wanted to make up and he was just dismissive and that was that.

Months pass and he out of no where contacts me. He says he just wants to forget whatever happened and just be friends. A clean slate. I agreed not to bring any past problems up. About a month in, I ask if he wants to grab a drink. He says he’s busy with family, which is fine. Over the course of a few months I ask if he wants to hang out. Still get various reasons. He even promises he’ll change the fact that we havn’t seen each other in a long time and that he hates that he’s so busy. He’s just a friend so I tell him to relax, there’s always another time.

During the times of excuses, I still go out with my friends and he goes out with his. He even lets it slip that he was near my town and he didn’t ask me to come out with him. Like, all these opportunities to hang out come up and he doesn’t take initiative. He even drove over 500 miles to meet someone but I live less than half an hr away and its a hassle to meet up? The one time we set something up, he flakes.

I should mention he hasn’t been with a woman sexually in three years. Not even a girlfriend. He’s had to put up with his ex girlfriend bringing boyfriends over for years. He says it didn’t bother him, but it’s clear that at times it does. Every time a woman would hit on him he would be oblivious or just ignore her advances. He comes to me and tells me that he knows hes lousy at sex and he even avoided it with his ex girlfriend. I mention this because about a month ago, my friend asks if I could sleep with him. At this point, he’s frustrated and just wants to get it over with. He wasn’t rude about it, but he vented his frustration and I just listened. I didn’t sleep with him.

Another thing I should mention is that he’s been “interested” in a girl that works at a coffee shop for months. He hasn’t had the guts to ask her out even though I and his ex girlfriend have told him to just go for it. She was very obviously flirting with him. Last month he told me that this girl has a boyfriend. This month, she’s available. For the past week I’ve been asking him to hang out, telling him that i’ll buy him dinner or something. Nope, too busy.

Tonight, he tried to rub it in my face that he had her over. I don’t know how to explain it well, but he has a way of mentioning things in a way to get me to ask more questions. He said something like how he’s been so busy all night and hasn’t been able to text his friends back. He had gotten lots of texts or something? I’m not sure, so I just say something like “well…text them back?” Then he said something like “I talked to that coffee shop girl some more, in fact, she just left a few mins ago!” At this point, I’m furious because I know what he’s trying to do. He’s looking for more praise.

I then just explode. I tell him that I think it’s rude that he’s been making excuses these past few weeks about being broke and busy but can invite someone over on a whim. I tell him that it’s rude that hes trying to rub it in. He then gets all dramatic and says “I’ve been putting off my whole life because I am actually trying to get to know a girl I’m into. I havn’t eaten, slept, worked out or eaten well all week because of her and you and my other friends keep picking on me!” Apparently, I wasn’t the only friend telling him he was acting like a weirdo lately…so I don’t feel like I just fabricated in my mind. Really, if he’s not eating much and has to stop his life because a girl, it’s clear he isn’t ready.

I’m just sick and tired. I’ve had some really rough couple of months when it comes to friends, and this is just another thing to add to the list. I usually have guy problems and I hate that lately I’ve had a lot of friend problems. I am still heated. I am angry and have been crying because I expect ex boyfriends to treat me like this, not someone that says I’m one of his few friends. I never, ever treated him like 2nd rate when I was with someone. I always made it a point to see friends.

Why do I feel he’s just trying to somehow make me jealous? He’s constantly sending me photos of himself because he wants compliments. He would even mention every time a coworker would hit on him. It’s like he wants to get a reaction out of me. I don’t understand. I’ve bitten my tongue for a long time and out of frustration I snapped.

I don’t know where to go from here. I hate feeling that I always have to make an effort and no one else even tries. Do I apologize for being too harsh? Do I wait for him to admit that he’s been a tool to me and his other friends? I don’t expect to see him anytime soon now, it’ll be too awkward. I don’t want to lose a friend but I am very upset.

I’m 22 and he’s 24. What now?