How to know where the relationship is going?

Thank you so much for your advice! I will be seeing him tomorrow once I’m off work and I’ll remind myself not to force anything and to just relax and go with the flow of things. Try to playfully mention the dating profiles and see where that goes. 🙂

Well, I didn’t go over there tonight. He has been a little standoffish the last couple of days. Before I posted this on here I sort of told him that I liked him and all, but didn’t go into detail about anything. He said the same. But since then, I have been getting mixed signals from him. When I’m in the mood to talk/text, he isn’t. He is very short and just says he doesn’t feel like texting. Which, he wasn’t a big texter to begin with so I have sort of gotten used to it. But then this morning he was texting me a lot. So I asked if we were going to hangout today and he just said, “Dunno. I’ll let you know.” and then we didn’t really talk afterwards. And the conversation sort of died and we didn’t hangout. I’m not sure what is going on. I don’t know how to approach this. Do I step back and just let him decide what happens next?

Things did not turn out how I had thought they would. He became distant and short with me. Didn’t want to talk as much as we used to, kept blowing off planned hangouts. Then out of nowhere I get a text that basically says he isn’t ready for a relationship and doesn’t want a relationship with me. He says he’s been chatting with other girls via text, but nothing serious. Then he says that if us “hooking up” is going to be an issue, maybe we shouldn’t do that anymore and maybe we should be just friends.

Ok, here is what confuses me. What we were doing was NEVER referred to as just “hooking up.” Ever. When we went out, HE called those dates. He asked what would be more romantic and what I would like to do for the dates. He’d make comments about us traveling and seeing places we’ve never been before. Told me that he’d love to go to New York with me and New Orleans. And since New Orleans is so close we should just go one weekend. I spent 4-5 days per week at his house. His mom absolutely loved me. When his grandma passed away he asked me to come with him shopping to pick out clothes for her funeral and he texted me the entire time he was in New York for the funeral. I didn’t text him first at all because he was going for a funeral and I didn’t want to be rude. But he texted me constantly each day he was there. Then told me to come over asap when he got back home. He’d met my mom and brother and my mom absolutely loved him as well. We had planned a day for our moms to meet and have lunch because we both thought they’d get along great. We told each other things we’ve never told anyone else. He asked me to stay the night with him several times and told me I should just start bringing my clothes to stay the night and maybe I needed a drawer there. Now all of a sudden all of that meant nothing and was just a hook up to him? I am beyond confused and have no idea what to do. I’d love to just walk away and call it a day because it’s only been 3 months. But, I really liked him. We connected so well and the chemistry between us was great. I feel like maybe he got scared of everything and is now trying to push me away.

Is there anything that I can do to save this or should I walk away now?

Hey! 🙂 We sort of got into another argument on Saturday about the same thing we’d been arguing over for two weeks now. He is very indecisive and has no idea what he wants. After reading your advice I decided to just stick to the original plan and back off and let him do his own thing. But, he just didn’t seem to be interested in that which led to the argument. We got into it about how he would make plans and then bail and how he was scared because he isn’t ready for a commitment and it overwhelmed him and he just wanted to be friends for now. But while saying all of this, he was rude. He wasn’t taking anyone’s feelings into consideration except for his own. I finally just told him this, “Look. You were the one calling things dates, you were the one to ask what would be romantic, I let YOU lead. Then when I tell you I like what we have you shut down and make me feel like just what you said this never was, a hookup.” and his response was “Sorry.” and that was it. Then it led into, “I can’t give you what you need. I can’t commit to all the time. If you can’t accept that then we shouldn’t be friends.” to which I said, “You aren’t even treating me like a friend.” – He said that when I told him I liked what we had that it made him shut down towards me and that’s why he became distant. Basically, we had our argument and he ended things rudely saying he was done talking about it and I either accept his way or no way. He wasn’t listening to anything I said because I was fine just letting things go between us and moving on. Then he said “I’m done. I’ll text tomorrow. Just stop.” – The argument took place over two days and we haven’t talked since it ended Sunday night when he said that last thing. I’m not texting him and I’m to the point I don’t care if we talk again because it’s just way more than I feel like dealing with. I’m sure we will eventually have to talk again because I do have things I left at his house.

But yeah, I’m letting it go. He is definitely unsure of what he wants and I don’t have time to waste sitting around waiting for him to figure it out. He’s got a lot going on in his life and he’s not ready for a relationship, but he wants to continue having me around all the time and continue doing what we’re doing by just calling us friends. But by calling it friends, he wants to be able to shut down and disappear for days and have me be okay with that. Which I’m not. He was a really great guy and I loved spending time with him. I felt we really connected immediately the first time we met. I just don’t want to continue this back and forth and get nowhere. It’s not worth it to me.