What you have to remember is that your boyfriend didn’t get satisfactory closure from his last breakup, and because it was his first girlfriend, it was a big deal. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you — it just means that there is unfinished business and until he takes care of that, it’s always going to be “out there” like an elephant in the room, with you dreading his feelings for her. Sometimes, you have to face your fears to get past them. Instead of suggesting that he not see her and block her, why not do the opposite. Encourage him to sit down with her over coffee in the daytime, and to have a pow wow about what happened, and where they both are now. It’s a very mature step that requires a lot of generosity on your part, but I think it’s the best way to deal with this situation. You’re obviously upset and concerned, and he’s drunk dialing her because connecting with her is in his subconscious and he doesn’t feel right doing it when he’s not drunk. Give him permission. If, after three years of dating you, he feels that he wants to be with her — better to know that now. And if after three years, he meets with her and gets out what he needed to say, and comes back to you, with a deeper intimacy and respect for you, then the two of you will have tackled this obstacle together. I hope that helps.
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