Relationship Advice Forum with April Masini

I Bee-Lieve

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marrying in a month

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  • January 4, 2016 at 5:22 pm #959
    sumi29
    Participant

    Hi. I’m a 20 year old girl belonging to a conservative family. After rejecting several proposals for an arranged marriage,7 months ago I recieved another proposal for an arranged marriage. This time I agreed to meet the guy. After which I agreed to get engaged to him. However, I was not allowed to talk to him until the ceromony which took place after 4 months. The ceremony comprised of a marriage contract as well. And the wedding was to take place after 3 months. However once we started getting to know each other, I found us to be extremely different and our conversations were very short. We have been talking for 2 months now and there is only one month left for the wedding. I still havnt developed feelings for him and constantly think about breaking it off. Not once have we ever expressed any romantic gestures or words. However there is alot of pressure from the families saying I dont have a valid reason to break it off. They say that I might not get a good guy like him in the future.Im scared that they might be right about that and that they may be angry with me if i break it off. I dont want to hurt my family and ruin their name. But at the same time I dont want a loveless marriage. Plz help

    January 4, 2016 at 10:04 pm #8869
    April Masini
    Keymaster

    You can’t have everything, so you have to decide what is important to you. An arranged marriage with a three month lead time isn’t focused on romance. It’s focused on families expanding through this type of arrangement structure. Arranged marriages aren’t so much about you and your spouse as they are about the entire family. So decide if you want to be part of an arranged marriage or not. If you do, understand what you’re getting into. If you don’t, then now’s the time to get out!

    You won’t be able to make everyone happy, and frankly, that’s a tough road to walk. The arranged marriage isn’t about making you happy. It’s about doing the right thing for a particular type of family structure. You’ve got one foot in tradition and one in contemporary life. Time to step out of one and into the other. 😉

    January 5, 2016 at 6:06 pm #8772
    sumi29
    Participant

    Thankyou for your valuable feedback 🙂 I just want to clear out another doubt of mine. Out of your experience, do you think that I might be able to fall in love with this guy over time. I am the type of person who believes in the first spark and forming a connection easily, since that has not happened in my relationship so far, I am worried. I am hesitant to listen to my heart because we have already signed the marriage contract and breaking up would result in a divorce 🙁

    January 5, 2016 at 6:14 pm #8769
    April Masini
    Keymaster

    Sometimes people do grow to love each other — and sometimes people marry because of great chemistry and then grow to not love each other. Life is fluid, and there are many ways to partake of it. If you decide to honor the arranged marriage contract, then you should be clear on why you’re doing it, and what you are willing to commit. All relationships require work and commitment, and even the most romantic start ups, hit bumps and require a lot of work.

    Spend as much time with your fiancee as possible while you’re trying to make this decision so you can try and get to know him better. I hope that helps! I’m here if you have more questions.

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