[irishyeats]

Try and keep it short but a girl i knew years ago but we lost touch, contacted me last april, added me on FB. We talked and talked every day, she messaged me all the time, it was great. Feelings grew and we got together in august, it was amazing, i loved her so much, it felt so right. She has a child and goes to college so her life is hectic and it makes her stressed, she has a history of meds and had a breakdown before, she tries her best, i work nights so we knew it would be hard but we would be fine, it would be worth it. After two months, we argued over silly things online when talking on mail on FB, she became distant and colder to me, pulling away almost. I could see it and it was killing me. Her past relationships have all been bad and her previous one was her worst she said, he beat her and stole from her, done a lot. She said she was so happy to find a good decent genuine man, she said so much about a future etc.. i paid for a holiday for her bday and the days we went away she was cold to me still, my friends seen it and one said it to her, she got angry at me thinking i told them our business. We got home and we talked for days but 3 days later i told her i loved her we would sort this out and be fine..she replied with she did not see us working, we did not gel together and we rubbed each other the wrong way, she was so so sorry to do it over mail and that she felt this way as i was a good man i did nothing wrong and it upset her but she could not help it. I was so upset, i loved her so much. We talked for weeks after on and off and in Dec i mailed her to talk, we decided it best we delete each other on FB for both of us to heal. She said she was sorry again and i did not deserve her and how she treated me. I had a present bought for her child for xmas i promised her so i asked her could i send that on still i did not want to let her kid down she said sure and she really appreciated it. She text me a week later to say thanks for the gift she got it and she did appreciate it. That was our last chat on snapchat.. in December before xmas. I noticed we were still friends on snapchat since until last week she deleted me, is this gone for good you think? i did nothing to her and she said so, i was the most genuine decent man she ever met, i know it hurt her too, she said so, she had sleepless nights after it and she said her life is so busy with her kid and college she has little time to think about things but she said maybe one day it will hit her and she will have a breakdown, i told her she will not and keep going and she will do great in college and she is a great mother, i wished her the best. I do love her but i know her and she is stubborn and independent. Maybe i just gotta let go i know but when you love someone.

[AskApril Masini]

This isn’t about you. You did nothing wrong — in fact you did everything right. She’s not into a relationship with you because of things that are going on within her, and within her own life. There’s no other guy. She’s just not ready for a relationship now, or a relationship with you. My advice is to accept that and move on. Maybe one day things will be different, and if you want to check in with her next year, that’s fine, but the best thing for you is to find someone who is really interested in dating you. 😉

[irishyeats]

Thank you for your reply April. I do agree, I did little wrong here, it just knocked me how sudden she ended it and how cold it was but I know she is a good person she is not evil, just a lot going on and issues, I think her past is not good, she told me a lot and she has not dealt with that and she brought it into our relationship, she did say she was sorry she chased me, she said all those nice things and then had to walk away, that i was brought into her life as she cant handle it at the best of times herself. I will never hate her, I care about her a lot, but we had to let go. Find our way. I will keep my eyes open for someone who will love me properly. Thank you again April you are brilliant 🙂

[AskApril Masini]

Thank you for the kind words. 🙂

Remember that just because you love someone, doesn’t make them compatible or a good match for you. Love is a wonderful feeling, but having a healthy, happy, long-term relationship takes more than love. It takes compatibility and mutual goals. It also requires both people in the relationship to commit to mutually agreed on levels of health. You have to take care of your own health (on all levels) first before you can be with someone else.

I’m sorry you’re hurt, but this is a good way to learn what YOU really need in a relationship: Someone who wants to and is ready and willing to accept your love, as well as give that love back to you. 😉

[irishyeats]

Brilliant advice, April. I see now why you have this website and its so successful!

Its true, you find after a break up and when you have been dumped by someone you love you go over everything in your mind, what did I do? what could I have done?
but it gets you nowhere, I could not have done anything more. Maybe the timing also, it does play a part I believe, we are starting our lives in finding careers, she has college still to complete so financially it was not easy, distance was not so bad but not close either, her child becoming a teenager, it just all came to a head I think, I will never know if it was a case of right person, wrong time. Or wrong person wrong time! I am happy we spoke after it all, I did not want it to end badly and she did not either, we had to much respect for each other so happy for that. I know maybe one day she will wonder where I am or what I am doing, as I will wonder about her. One of those things isn’t it, lifes lesson for all, you have to be hurt to find real happiness I believe. You wonder will they ever regret it or think they made a bad choice but only they will ever know that answer, and I do truly wish her love and happiness, despite her hurting me more than anyone has ever done. Think that shows you my love for her was real, I can be proud of that much. You have to find someone who loves you, for you. All of you. Flaws and all. That is real love. My friends told me as you did here, when you find it, you will know, you will feel it and it will be amazing. Time is all I got now to heal, and I am. Week by week I feel better, stronger, I think more clearly now. I am proud of the man I am. How I acted, I never once said a bad word to her, never disrespected her. I am proud. Thank you so much for your replies, you have helped me. Its nice to hear anothers perspective. You are doing a great thing here, you help so many and maybe you do not realise just how much so. You have a friend for life now in me, all the way from little old Ireland 🙂

[AskApril Masini]

Thank you!! 🙂

[Lune David]

Man… reading this felt like watching someone try to save a relationship that was already halfway out the emergency exit. 😭
Bro booked a holiday, bought gifts, wrote essays of love and she still hit him with the “we don’t gel” email like it was a customer service cancellation.

Honestly, if deleting you on Snapchat was her final “closure,” that’s not a heartbreak… that’s a soft-launch of her escape plan.
You didn’t lose a soulmate you dodged a long-term emotional eviction notice.

At this point even AskApril is like: “Sir… stand up.”

But fr, respect to you. You loved hard, you stayed kind, you tried.
Now heal up, focus on yourself, and let the universe send you someone who doesn’t treat your love like a trial version expiring before Christmas.

[Member]

Posts