[dream84]

Hi April,
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for just over 3 years now…it’s been somewhat rough with lots of arguments in the past 6 months, but we want to work things out for the better. He’s in the insurance business, and does business with several attorney firms. He has a female attorney friend that he’s known well before knowing me. They would do business lunch dates and talk on the phone about their personal lives. He did take the steps initially to tell me about her, and they do talk on the phone from time to time. I met her a few months ago when she and her fiance came into town for a double date with us. She and my boyfriend have never dated, they are just good friends. She even emailed him pics of her potential wedding dresses to get his advice. My boyfriend informed me a couple days ago that he is driving to her neck of the woods (about and hour or two away) to meet her for dinner so they can catch up. They will probably talk business some of the time, but the main point in meeting with her is to catch up as friends. Is this appropriate, for him to meet a female friend for dinner when he’s in a serious relationship? Personally, I feel at this stage they need to catch up via phone and email, and if they want to see each other I would be fine with a business lunch date or another double date. Am I being too unreasonable by thinking this way? Thanks for your help!

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

I’m not sure from your post if you consider her a threat to your relationship because you think she’s going to sleep with your boyfriend or flirt with him or take him away from you or not. If she is, then my advice is going to be different than if she’s just a nuisance because you don’t think she’s an obstacle to your relationship with your boyfriend, but you have certain social mores that don’t include his hanging out with her because she’s a woman. So maybe you can let me know whether this woman is a romantic and/or sexual and/or emotional threat to the relationship or not.

Also, since you’ve been dating your boyfriend for three years now, how long has he been friends with this woman? You said you’re only having problems with your boyfriend for six months now — is that the time when he first met her? If not, why is she a problem now, and she wasn’t during the first two and a half years the two of you were dating?

Is there something going on with you and your boyfriend and this friendship he has with the other woman is the lightning rod for your problems?

Fill me in and I’ll advise you further. 🙂

Don’t forget to follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[dream84]

Hi April,

Well, he’s known this attorney for probably at least 5 years, maybe more. I don’t consider her a threat to the relationship. Would I prefer that she not call and chat with him about her personal life, yes, but it’s not something that is a big deal or that I consider a problem. Our recent problems have not had anything to do with her, and I don’t believe that she and my boyfriend have any romantic interests.

That being said, I am just basically wondering if it’s appropriate for my boyfriend to travel to her area and have dinner with her, as he’s in a serious relationship with me. Although we are not married, I do expect the same amount of respect as if we were. When I think about the married couples closest to me, I can’t imagine the husband telling the wife he’s driving an hour away to have dinner with a female friend. What do you think?

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

It doesn’t sound like you’re threatened by her. It sounds like you’re angry at him. And I’m guessing from what you didn’t say that the arguments you’re having over the last six months are unresolved. This is just an extension of them. It really sounds like you’re trying to pick a fight with him on this issue of what’s appropriate and what isn’t instead of working on the bigger problem that’s causing half a year of fighting.

My advice is not to make a mountain out of a molehill on this issue. Since she’s not a relationship threat, my advice is that you give him reason to want to be with you instead of her. 😎 Respect is earned — not demanded.

Figure out what the two of you are spending six months fighting about and work on that. This problem will melt away when that is resolved. 😉

Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[dream84]

Very true, we definitely have enough on our plates. 🙂 Thanks for your advice!

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

You’re always welcome. 😀

[Member]

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