[Stergo87]

Hello, thanks for reading. 🙂
I need some perspective. One of my good guy friends recently wanted to take things physical with me even though he’s been married to someone else for a long time and they’re perfectly happy and will never ever get a divorce. Not ever an option according to him which is fine, I truly don’t want him to leave her for me, I’m not even sure if the feelings I have for him are even romantic. Up until this point he’s been my mentor, like my family, sort of like a dad? figure whom I just happen to find attractive. He’s 40, I’m 24. He inspires me to want more out of life and makes me feel special and cared for. He’s been away on business a lot and has a hotel that’s paid for him, he invited me to have drinks with him and hang out one night at the hotel bar. I went, and we contemplated for 3 hrs on whether we should go up to his room or not. He said as much as he wanted to take me upstairs and do things with my body, he didn’t want to have an affair because he didn’t want me to lose respect for him and asked me to ask him to send me home. The decision was mine to make. I decided to go upstairs with him and he repeatedly asked me if I was sure it was what I wanted as he was putting his hands on me, I kept telling him I wasn’t sure. So when we got into the room he asked me what I was doing, I asked him what he was letting me do. We were holding each other and running our hands over each other and he said he was begging me to ask him to walk me to my car and send me home. I told him I can’t, that I needed to feel him touch me. So he pleasured me, and when I offered to return the favor he said no because finishing for me would make me dirty and he wanted to keep me clean. Whatever that means…

So I left after that, let it process for a few days, talking to friends didn’t help at all, just made me feel worse. Judgement, trashing him, he’s taking advantage of me, etc. So i called him up later on that week and asked he asked how i felt, I told him I was stressed that we weren’t making the right decision and asked him how he felt about it. He said he wished that it didn’t happen but it did. We later decided to get together again to talk about it…so I met him again the following week. We decided just to relax and keep each other company, decided to go up to the room and not get naked. We talked for awhile, I had drank too much, he needed to go to bed because he had to get up early. He invited me to stay, we laid down and he asked me to get naked. I told him I thought he said we weren’t going to, he told me he couldn’t help it I was too irresistible. So he pleasured me again. I put my hands on him, and he made me stop, told me I didn’t have to do anything, I told him I knew that but wanted to. He said that i couldn’t that it was off-limits, even though he was very excited. So i gave him a massage instead until he could fall asleep.

My question is why is he inviting me and risking everything most precious to him if he’s not getting anything out of it? Is he doing this to protect me from himself? Or is it something like, this is the cheating line he’s decided upon, and as long as he holds to it he’s doing nothing wrong? I know he’s getting it a lot at home, she’s a great wife and to be clear I don’t want him to leave her for me, and he never would anyways. Things could possibly be different if he were single, but he’s not. My relationship with him has always been a positive one, he’s helped me love life, and has always been there to talk me through tough decisions. I want him in my life forever, but not as my lover. I would rather be considered part of his family than be someone he has to hide. But then there’s this other part of me that when he touches me, it heals another part of me that I didn’t realize was broken. I somehow feel that it can’t be as good as it was before. Perhaps we’ve made a mistake? Not really sure what I want to do even though I know what I need to do. Any thoughts?

[Ask April Masini]

There is no “we”. He’s married. The “we” is him and his wife. You’re his mistress. He’s having sex with you because he can. He’s got a boundary, of sorts, for now. But, eventually he’ll cross that line, like he’s crossed the other ones in your relationship.

YOU have to take responsibility for your own actions. He may be much older than you, but you’re not a child. You’re an adult. I”m not sure what, exactly, he’s mentoring for you 🙄 but you’re not a part of his family any more. That relationship ended when you had sex with him.

My advice is to stop seeing him altogether. If you don’t, eventually, you will become very attached to him emotionally, and you’ll become jealous of his wife — he’s already told you he won’t leave her. Believe him. I know you say now that you don’t want him to, but you will if you continue to have sex with him.

I hope this helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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