[lisa12000]

Around 6 weeks ago i officially started dating a guy younger than me, we had been friends for over a year and had grown closer and closer until he told me he loved me, and i told him the same. Its been a whirlwind really and we have discussed both living together and even marriage and everything seemed perfect. Fast forward to this last weekend, which started out wonderfully, but then disintegrated into chaos Sunday night; Hed spent the Saturday evening messaging another girl, (a friend) and talking about her constantly which irritated me and i told him, and then he was very quiet Sunday.

I asked what was wrong on Sunday night and he told me that he thought we had gone to fast (it was him that initiated all the future plans btw) i freaked a bit i have to admit and at 3am said it was over etc and wanted to get out the hotel room to which he said no, he didnt want that! I got upset about everything and he calms me down and the next day we spent some time together and we seemed okay and agreed not to talk about the future.

However, since hes got home (we live a distance apart) its not been the same, the constant contact we had is gone, hes not fussy, caring and although he says we are still together and still going away together his actions suggest different! hes so indifferent to me, and said its cos i freaked him out sunday night; What can i do? do i keep texting him? do i leave him? i feel like its all my fault and its tearing me apart! especially since i found out that i am pregnant and i cant even tell him not knowing what the future holds 🙁

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Let go of who’s right and who’s wrong. Just because he was the one talking about marriage and a future together, it’s not productive to blame him for being impulsive. You both jumped the gun, and although you’ve known him for a year and a half, you’ve only been dating for six weeks. This is way too early to decide to be monogamous, let alone serious. The rule of thumb I use is to date someone for three months to decide if you want to continue dating him, and then at the six month mark, decide if you want to be monogamous. Clearly, he’s got at least one other woman on his mind, and since you’ve only been dating for six weeks, this is normal. 😉 It’s too soon to decide if you have a romantic future together. The whirlwind romance was just that — a whirlwind. Real life isn’t always so romantic, and that’s not bad — it just is. 🙂

As for the pregnancy, you need to figure out what you’re going to do and then let him in on the news. Don’t wait to long to tell him, and don’t use the information as ammunition in the relationship because that will backfire. He is going to have rights as a father to co-parent, as well as responsibilities to financially support your child, but these are separate from a romantic relationship that may or may not work out.

I’m sorry if this feels like a splash of cold water, but the whirlwind romance was bound to cool down eventually. In this case, it’s sooner than later, and while the relationship may proceed with romance, it also may not, and you need to be prepared for both of these cases.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go.

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[lisa12000]

Thanks April, i guess im not looking to blame him at all for being impulsive, and the other girl he talks to is very taken, but im not sure how to take the messages that we are still together, that we are going away together, and he is still coming to see me next weekend, (usually answers to my specific questions) but then the very indifferent texts which he blames on my reaction to sunday night. The texts before were like nothing ive ever had before,so loving, but my mum and friends believe that they were only to get me in to bed!

Do i just keep texting? leave him alone? trust that he still wants these things but needs more space? im just not sure how to play things at the moment really; he knows about my past relationship where my ex used to give me the silent treatment after a row and said hed never do that but it feels like this is what hes doing tbh

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You have to figure out what it is you want because what you do next has a lot to do with what you want from the relationship. You just found out that he’s probably playing the field as well as dating you. If you want to continue seeing him, knowing that and being okay with that, at least until the two of you date a little longer, then you should apologize for your behavior and proceed as usual. But if you’re not okay with that, then you really have to come to terms with it, and decide that this isn’t the relationship you wanted and move on, romantically.

The elephant in the room is your pregnancy. 😕 That is the most important decision you’re going to make, and it’s a decision that you have more control over. So make that decision first. Then, decide on how to deal with your boyfriend. 😉

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[lisa12000]

No i dont know hes playing the field, the girl hes talking to has a boyfriend of 5 years im convinced its my paranoia thats causing all this although i refuse to believe i acted out of turn on Sunday; he hasnt had a serious relationship ever and to me he seems like he just wants the good parts and doesnt like me getting emotional; Thing is i do love him so will fight for him, but im not sure hes worth fighting for if at the first sign of trouble he gives me the silent treatment for days

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]Thing is i do love him so will fight for him, but im not sure hes worth fighting for if at the first sign of trouble he gives me the silent treatment for days[/quote]

I think you’re going to run into more trouble down the line if you’re going to “fight” for a man you’ve been dating for six weeks, who’s giving you the silent treatment because you were upset he was spending energy on another woman. 🙁

I’m here for you if you have questions or need advice. 😉

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