[Anonymous]

So, I guess im a little messed up at the moment or I just messed up. A few months ago I got out of a long term relationship, I know it’s for the better and i’m okay but not yet ready to start up another one right now. I like my space and i’m kinda enjoying being by myself for now to tell you the truth. Anyways, I met a really cool about a month or so ago, he’s like a best friend to me. We just hang out, wander around, he knows I don’t want to be with anyone right now and i’ve also told him that I’m not attracted to him anyways. He really wanted to hook up with me when we first met but I told him the truth. I know it sounds harsh but i”m not attracted to him as anything other then a friend. Anyways, he stayed over at my house one night when we were both drunk and he couldn’t drive home. We messed around a lil, didn’t have sex with him or anything and the next day talked about it and we were both really cool about it, not awkward at all and that was quite a while ago. I encourage him to date and he’s been on lots since and i’ve told him it won’t happen again, he agreed. So, heres where the problem comes in….The other day I went to go meet my friend and she had a friend with her. I instantly hit it off with this guy, butterflies in the stomach, sparks, everything. He felt the same way so we ended up going on a date a few days later. We met at 11 in the morning and ended or date at 11 the next morning. We just talked and hung out. Nothing else happened. Anyways, the next afternoon I met the other guy to go for lunch and hang out. He asked me what I did the day before and I told him. He said he has to admit he’s a lil jealous and then kept asking if I had sex with the guy, I was like no, you should know me better then that. I don’t have sex with guys I don’t really know or have just met a few times. He didn’t sound like he believed me, just kept looking at me funny. Then he said he had to admit he was a lil jealous. Anyways, about ten minutes after that he told me he was tired he had to go home, so we didn’t go for lunch. He hasn’t talked to me since. I honestly didn’t realize I was going to hurt him by going out with another guy, he did a good job acting as if was okay just being friends. He tells me about all the dates he’s been on, pretty much everyday. I’m okay with it. Now i’m stuck because he won’t talk to me, I left him two messages messages saying hi, whats up. I’m not sure if i should apologize. Guess I kinda feel like I should tell him sorry if I hurt you. I didn’t mean to and I miss hanging out with him like we used to. Not sure if it’d help though and don’t really feel as though I should have too…..

[Ask April Masini]

You don’t have to apologize to him. You didn’t do anything wrong.

What you didn’t understand, and will now, is that it’s very hard for men and women to be friends because usually one of them starts liking the other and becomes jealous when the other one moves on — even if it’s just one date! Your guy friend couldn’t handle being friends with you because he liked you so much and seeing you date someone you were interested in brought out has alpha male. This is normal.

Have fun with the guy you just met and had a great date with. Don’t feel badly about what happened with your guy friend. He’s taking care of himself by cutting off from you and being self protective so he can move on in his life.

I hope that explanation helps. 🙂

[Anonymous]

Glad to hear I shouldn’t have to apologize.

It really sucks that it seems guys and girls can’t be friends. I get he’s being self protective and ignoring me is his way of moving on in his own life. All the same i’m not impressed, guess I don’t have to be now though do I? I’ve had friends that i’ve like it the past and haven’t felt the same about me. I still manage to deal with it and move on while still being their friend. As you say it was only one date! Really!

[Ask April Masini]

Whether or not you’re impressed is less important than whether or not you understand that this guy is acting normally given the situation. Just because you’re able to handle something doesn’t mean other people can, and for him, it’s easier to move on. In fact, what he’s doing is pretty normal.

I hope that helps! 😀

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