[nmjohnso90]

Hello April, recently my girlfriend and I broke up. I want to be with her but I knew something was up as to the reason why we would argue not only just on my part for being at fault. But because she was always so secretive about her privacy but would tell me how open she was with everything but wasn’t open to me. I did the wrong thing and snooped and found out that while we were living together we were in a desperate situation for money and I found out that she tried to escort herself out. Having guys pay her to out on a date but she says she never met up with anyone cause they all wanted to have sex. I also saw some things where she was calling another man babe and he replied calling her sexy. What do I do because she won’t really come and talk to me about it at all. I’ve gone to see a therapist and he says I need to talk to her even about something just basic with our feelings. I’m not sure quite what to do because I think there is still more she hasn’t told me and whatever she was to tell me I still want to learn to forgive it and still be with her.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like the two of you broke up, so having a talk with her now, is a little too late. I’m sure you’re right that there is more she hasn’t told you — but again, it sounds like it’s past the time to have had the conversation.

Fill me in a little further — how old are you both, and how long have you been living together. Also, you mentioned that the two of you were in a “desperate situation” for money — how did that happen? It sounds like that’s an important part of the problem, so give me some more information and if I can help you further, I will. 😉

[nmjohnso90]

We were living together for about 4 months due to circumstances. I am 25 and she is 28. We both were working at the same place and it was very hostile to work at and we kept getting the worst shifts/hours and hours being taken away. She had almost 9k in lawyer fees that she had to pay upfront with only about 2 months to come up with the money. I had student loans and a new car payment to pay. Even though I was struggling with money as well I always offered up anything I could give to her. She has told me there are things I need to work on and unfortunately I did wait too long to take it serious and make the changes stick. I am also seeing a therapist now, I am not sure what I need to be talking with him to get my problems fixed but I am trying. We sat down and talked, she said that she needs to get back to herself before she is ready for anything with anybody. I know it will take time and we both need to get back to ourselves which I am willing to give. I just want to continue to show her I am changing and it is sticking. I also am not sure if there is anything else I can do to go about showing her I still care, I want her and not be overwhelming with it.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like you both have personal issues that you need to address before you can be in a relationship with anyone. It’s never a good idea to move in with someone you’re dating due to financial circumstances because it puts a lot of pressure on a relationship that might not have gotten to a living together point, naturally. My best advice is that you take care of your finances, separately, and give her time and space to take care of hers and to get her priorities in order. Don’t wait for her, but give her a call in six months and see how she’s doing and what direction she’s moving in.

[Member]

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