[Anonymous]

I am so confused!
I was with my boyfriend for over 6 years, and lived together, planning to get married. We went through 8 months of just not appreciating eachother and basically treating eachother badly. We still had fun and laughed and enjoyed eachother but those times were more spaced out.
We broke because we had gotten so far into that rut that we couldnt get out, and thought maybe we weren’t supposed to work out. That was about 3 months ago. I had sort of thought we would just take some time and then be back together no problem.

Now, I am not too sure what to do. I realized I am still in love with him, and know we have the potential to have an awesome future if we can just start to appreciate eachother. We were madly inlove with eachother for 5.5 years and I feel like we can ‘tweak’ our relationship to fix the problems. He is still uncertain.

I know, logically I should walk away because he isn’t certain. But there are a few circumstances that are making me hold on.
He still says he loves me
he calls or texts me almost every day
He says he can’t be happy in his life without me in it in some way
he misses me when I am gone
He still thinks i am the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen
He is sad and upset about our relationship
neither of us are happier now then we were when we were together.
He is cute and flirty on the phone with me and in person when we hang out.
When we are together it feels like we are together except we aren’t.
his parents recently got divorced (3 years ago) after 26 years of marriage and HATE eachother and he says that he never ever would want that to be us.

I need to know if I am grasping at straws or if there is a chance we will get back together. Also, if there’s a chance we can get back together, how do i get him to see what I see? Should I still talk to him and be there for him or do I break contact and make him miss me? Right now, I am just trying to focus on my life and make me ‘Me’ again instead of just wrapped up in ‘us’.

What do I do??? I love him and expected a life with him and future and still want that. I am 25 and he is 26.

Please help I feel like I am at my wits end!

[Ask April Masini]

The only way you’re going to know if you can get him back or not is to only be available to him as a girlfriend, and not as his crutch to get through this transition and into his next relationship with someone else. 😕 Everything you mention about why you’re holding on to him sounds great, but he’s not moving forward in the relationship, and because he’s not giving you what you want, I think it’s time for you to tell him that you only want to be in contact with him if he wants to get back together with you. Until he can figure that out, you want no contact.

I know it’s a risky strategy, but really, if you continue like this you’re in for misery — and he has no incentive to change his own behavior. And if he never dates you again, then it’s much better to take your pain up front, get over it, and move on.

I’m sorry you’re disappointed, but it’s time for you to stand up for yourself, and only date men who want what you want — whether it’s this ex-boyfriend or someone else. You’re not a nurse and you’re not a booby prize. He doesn’t get to “have you” on text, e-mail, phone or otherwise unless he’s your boyfriend, and if you don’t value yourself, how can you expect anyone else to? 😳

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go. And please join me on Facebook. Here’s that link: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. 🙂

[Anonymous]

Hi April,
Wanted to give you an update. I told him that I need an answer. Either we are together and fixing our relationship because we love eachother and want to be together forever or we need to stop talking. I told him this last tuesday, and didnt talk to him til he called me. When he called on friday he appologized for taking so long to realize how worth it our relationship is. He loves me and knows we can work through our problems and it is worth it since we are supposed to be together. He wants to move home and get our relationship back on track to where we were going (marriage, etc.).

Thanks for your help 🙂

[Ask April Masini]

I’m so glad I was able to help you! 😀 Good luck, and keep in touch. Let me know how it goes. And join me on Facebook. Here’s that link: [url][/url].

[Badfinger]

I am glad that worked out for you!
Your story is very familiar to me.

I have been married now 10 years and had that rut for a while too, but we are committed to each other and the love is strong, irregardless of our flaws and silly arguments over dumb things and lack of communication at times and dealing with a variety of challenges.

Communication is key .

[Ask April Masini]

Communication is definitely the main artery 😀 in any relationship.

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