[WTFIMIK]

I have a friend who is more like a brother. We’ve known each other since junior high and we’re both on our 30s now. He has a girlfriend who is INSANELY insecure. I’m a female friend of her boyfriend and I’m automatically a threat to her. She misinterprets everything I do as something against her. We have never sat down to speak ever.

For example, when I found out (a couple years ago) that I can’t have kids I left my friend a message on FaceBook telling him the news. I was upset and I needed support and it was obviously very bad news. I found out later that his girlfriend thought that message, possibly the worst news of my life, was a veiled invite for him to come to my place and have sex. As you can imagine I found this appalling. How could she be so callous and make such a horrible accusation while I was in the midst of a crisis?

Another example: when I inherited money I didn’t spend it immediately. She took that to mean I was “waiting for someone.” I have no idea what that was supposed to mean. Why would she care what I do with my money? And how does not pissing it away instantly equate to being devious and underhanded?

The last thing I found out is that she is watching my FaceBook through my friend’s profile (she has his password). It’s very passive aggressive. Why can’t she just grow a pair of ovaries and add me herself?

I have invited her out to lunch, coffee, Disneyland, and several other outings, all more than once. With the intent of picking them both up in my fancy car and paying for said outing. She has refused EVERY attempt I have made to calm her paranoia. I’m not interested in her boyfriend but she feels like my existence somehow revolves around him. It’s beyond disturbing.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose this friend. BUT she has forced him to do more than one polygraphs. Yes, he is culpable for letting it get to this extreme and not putting his foot down. However it isn’t my friends fault she has rejected all my attempts to be civil. I have no idea what to do or of it’s even worth my time anymore. I still love this guy like a brother.

I should mention that I am a transitional male (FtM) and I identify as a homosexual male. This is on my FaceBook, and I’m more than certain she is aware of it. My friend and I have never had a romantic relationship. There was never any desire or an opportunity. So her assumption that I have “feelings” for him are seriously misguided.

They have been together for 6 years. I couldn’t separate them even if I wanted to. But this lady thinks I only hang around out of spite. I can’t make any sense of this or why she would treat me so badly without ever directly talking to me.

[AskApril Masini]

She doesn’t like you befriending her boyfriend, and you don’t like her feelings about your friendship with him. So here’s the deal…. this isn’t between you and the girlfriend. It’s between [i]you and your friend[/i]. Since he and his girlfriend have been together for six years, my advice is to try and make peace with her and not dwell on what you don’t like, but instead, focus on her positive attributes. They’re both adults who have chosen to be together, so it’s a good idea to make the best of it.

Sometimes when you spend a lot of energy focusing on what’s bothering you, you end up making a mountain out of a molehill. I think that if you decide to respect their relationship — even though you don’t agree with it — you’ll be at peace, more than you are now. In this case, tolerance is going to be your friend. Look for the good, not the bad, and if things get too hairy with her, back off and take break from seeing them until the bad feelings blow over.

I hope that helps. I know this is bothering you a lot, and you want her to be different, but sometimes you have to accept people for the way they are, even if you don’t agree with what they’re doing, or how they behave. 😉

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