There’s a big difference between feelings and behavior. Just because you have a feeling doesn’t mean you can or should act on it. We all feel things for people outside our marriages — whether it’s attraction, flirtation or simply admiration — but it doesn’t mean we act on those feelings. You have choices in life, and yours are before you. 😉
I don’t know how old you are, but at a certain point in life, you decide if you want to be married or not, and how you want to be married. You can be married and honor the marriage, or you can be married and cheat but stay married or cheat and leave the marriage. I’m not passing judgment on your choices, but I am telling you that you have choices. The thing is, you can’t really control other people’s feelings or behavior, and you’ve hurt your wife by becoming close to her cousin (I think that’s what a cousin sister is), and if your wife finds out you love her cousin, or that you’ve had sex with her cousin, or that you’re going to leave her because of your feelings for her cousin, you won’t be able to control her feelings. So wanting to not hurt people, when you choose to express feelings outside your marriage, is impossible. People are going to get hurt. Period.
Presently, you get to decide whether you want to hurt people or if you want to act on (or continue to act on) your feelings for your wife’s cousin. Because you can’t have both. However, in making that decision, my advice is that you address your marriage first. That’s your primary problem. Decide if you want to stay in your marriage or not. If you want to stay married, then you have to honor your commitment to your wife and stay away from her cousin. When you marry, the idea is to put your spouse first and foremost. Of course, that’s simplifying things, and many marriages end because spouses decide that they can’t or don’t want to do that. Your choice is your own. While divorce is painful, it does eliminate these more confusing triangles that have a lot to do with keeping secrets. If you do leave your marriage and divorce, people will be hurt, but they will also move on, and the fact that you don’t have children means that there will be fewer people hurt. Kids are always victims when families split up. Your wife may move on if you divorce, and find happiness with another man, and your wife’s cousin may or may not leave her husband and may or may not find happiness with you, and you, last but not least, 🙂 may or may not find happiness with her or someone else.
The bottom line is that your marriage is in a place where you either have to stay in it and recommit, or leave it and move on, and that’s not an easy decision to make.
I hope that helps!
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