[Darkgold]

Hello, and I am facing a confusing scenarios at least in my opinion. I am young and 14, but would prefer to not be treated like I know nothing. You see, there is this girl I like but we sometimes we are close and sometimes far. I have known her for two years and only recently grown closer if you need know. I do not know what she thinks of me. Her behaviour is very confusing. She is also impossible to read and to know her true intentions incredibly difficult.I might as well start with school and how this all happened because that is an important aspect to this story. When we first grew closer she seemed gleeful and unusually exited to have me as a friend. She would always greet me and comment on my day and I would smile back and listen and converse. She would happily speak with me and comment often on how we bonded. Although this was only done on the bus or at the stop, never at school. She never, ever spoke to me at school. It was strange, but I thought little of it because I was not as interested. But I still was, just unsure.

But then we began to drift away as “my” liking grew. This was odd since I don’t think she knows even now. Perhaps she does. I don’t know. If she likes me I do not know. But as it did we new connections emerged. She was more willing to be around me alone, but far less publicly. She would still give me a happy look and support and I would give a kind smile and comment in return. We just refused the slightest contact when any others were around. Hence why we began to text and call far more often. These conversations were even better than the ones we had in person and every night off do we would talk for an hour or two. I would walk alone with her home, which this brings up the fact she seemed to almost be hinting at not to ask when she was with her friends. As with every other scenario I’m thrown in. I was rejected to be with her once and she seemed uncomfortable with it in other times when her friends were near. Her friends are nice, they have not one issue with me. Of course we barely with talk, they still accept me and don’t reject. Yet she just seems to ignore me when her friends are around. I’m unsure as to what I should do about that. It seems as if she doesn’t want me around so it makes it easier to hide and less suspicious. At times she will stare at me or glance, but when I meet her eyes they stay attached for a few moments and we both turn away. She is still comfortable around me and enjoys my company.

She is I guess popular, but not very much so. She is friends with two others I previously dated. It may be since they know my movements when I like somebody they could scope out my liking of her. Perhaps that is why she keeps me away. I don’t know. She is a kind and fun person who is silent around me in public. We usually talk about our personal lives 50% of the time. The rest being random things. She does feel for me though. She also adds a unusual comment of some kind. For example she once worried about me not going to the same highschool. She was relieved to hear I was and said she was proud of me for creating friends in high places. I later after said she was a good confident person who tries hard and would easily make it through high school. She responded to my hint with thank you and a good may other words. I was happy to talk to her. Whenever she is too busy to talk or text she would always explain with care and sincere sorry. She would always apologize and when we actually did talk she would end it with good night and bye and as would I. I should note that I am the only male friend she talks to like this and I’m one of the two or three she actually has.

But now my side must be understood. I am not popular, but in a way I am. It is the way in which everybody knows that if they mess with me they will get it. I’m not mean, but still shy and reclusive much like she is to me. I am nice and respectful to others however. I have told her little secrets and asked her to hang out with her to hint I will soon ask her out. But she has an odd dating…I don’t know. She has dated before and it happened very unexpectedly. It means she is very open to it or is good at hiding she likes somebody. I do not know much more than that. I’m slowly and carefully preparing this…thing for a relationship. Soon I will ask her out and I will be more bold. I think guessing from who she is, she will accept. But who knows, perhaps she is refusing to hang out because she wants me to ask. I think her and me are playing the same gain, our social groups holding us back, the nervousness in public and wanting of one to admit. Maybe, but again I do not know if this tangled loop is true. I hope you can help shine some light on what is going through her creative head. Your help will be greatly appreciated. Thank you for listening.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think at age 14, you’re thinking a lot about what could happen if she rejects you — in fact many men, of all ages think about that! If you want to get a head start on success, consider what it is that you’re really concerned about. I know you really like her, and you want to ask her out, but it seems that you’re afraid of her saying no, and how that will feel, and how it will look to others, and how the way it looks to others will then make you feel. There are a lot of layers in there.

Ironically, what women like is confidence, and while that, alone, is not a slam dunk, it’s a big leg up on success. And when you like someone, you have to use that confidence to face the fear that she may turn you down. I think you need to invite her to do something — like see a movie, go biking or whatever you think she’d like to do. Get to know her, and let her get to know you, and at the same time, make your intentions clear — that you’d like to date her.

I hope that helps.

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[Darkgold]

Things are going well. I have been doing more hints and I think she may have a tiny thing for me. She treats me differently and with care, but is also supportive of me. She always wants to make sure everything is ok and is always sorry when she accidentally offends me. She also admires my Autism,(yes I have that and I’m very unsocial) and enjoys me for who I am. She also admitted she likes my intelligence and constant chatter. I also know this goes beyond simple Autism understanding. I only recently told her and she understands. It is almost like a flirting that is hard to detect. This is strange considering we always text or talk when nobody is around, yet in public we don’t interact very often. I cannot approach her because my autism. I would be a nervous wreck. She dosen’t act to anybody else like she does to me. I am treated differently. It seems to me to be a mix between nervousness and care, but I don’t know. It is more than Autism I think. I do just fine when she starts the conversation and she knows that.We are going along very well, better than the couple of years we have known each other so far.

I want to ask her out because I’m sure she will be willing to accept. But I don’t know if I should. I plan to ask her to the movies for a date and to figure things out with our parents because we must be driven their. Confrontation with the adults is unavoidable. I think around the beginning of April somewhere is when I will ask. I want to know if this should be a friend activity or a date. But a friend activity may still be suspicious. If you think I should do that then I want to know how I should do it. For example she may ask me if it is a date or find it entirely awkward. Unfortunately my personality would make it hard for her not to see that I like her. But I think I should simply ask her out and get it over with. But if you think I should ask her to do a friend activity and let her discover it on the way then I will do so. But I must warn it will be very suspicious to the adults and I have no clue what they will do when we bring it up. It is a difficult choice. Thank you for listening.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome. Let me know if you have any more questions. 🙂

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