[lovingxlife]

me and this guy were hooking up awhile ago. I had feelings for him and I thought he had feelings for me too. then one day things got completely weird with us and we stopped talking. its like he disappeared from my life, and distanced himself completely. we haven’t spoken in about a year and the other day I texted him because I wanted to try to get some answers. I texted him asking if he had feelings for me or if it was a friends with benefits thing. he was beating around the bush at first asking me why i wanted to know and eventually he said “friends thing why?” so I said “so you didn’t have any feelings for me, correct?” and he said “well we were friends feeling in the beginning not so much in the end.” so I said “why not in the end?” and he said “i wasn’t the only guy you were having sex with” and I said “and you werent having sex with other girls?” and he said “i was ..so friends with benefits.” so I was like “okay if you did not have feelings for me and just wanted to have sex all the time, I need to know. if you had something for me but wanted to keep things casual, I need to know that too.” and he said “casual.” the conversation ended and i didnt feel that i got the closure i deserved so yesterday I was like “the convo we had was vague, I’m just confused.” and he said “i cared for you but it wasn’t going to work out so i liked u as a friend.” I said “why wasn’t it going to work out?” he said “because I was getting back with my ex gf” and I said “so did you like me as a friend the whole time? or did you have feelings for me as more than a friend but still wanted/had feelings for your ex?” and he said “i liked you a lot, but I loved my ex then.” and I said “so you liked me as more than a friend at some point but loved your ex so it couldn’t work out” and he said “u got it”

what does this mean? did he have feelings for me? or did he just like me as a friend? im confused, and dont understand whats going on. i dont understand if he meant he had feelings for me, but still loved his ex so all we could be was friends. or if he means he just didnt have feelings for me at all and looked at me as just a friend the whole time.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I have NO IDEA why you’re confused. This guy couldn’t be clearer with you — and you keep going back for more torture. It’s getting you riled up, and you’re provoking a situation that was dormant and peaceful. 😕 I think you’re angry about something else, and you’re projecting your feelings onto this guy — who you haven’t seen or talked to in a year! 😮

He isn’t interested in you at all, which is why he hasn’t contacted you in a year. There’s no reason under the sun for you to now want closure — especially, since he’s given it to you. A year’s worth of silence speaks volumes about his feelings. He had a friends with benefits situation with you a year ago. It’s over. He’s not interested any more.

My advice is to stop contacting him. He’s not the problem. There’s something going on internally that you’re not in touch with that’s making you angry. Figure out what that is (harder to do than to say) and address it.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go for you, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[lovingxlife]

but is he being truthful when he says that he liked me a lot but he had feelings for his ex. im trying to understand if he just liked me as a friend, or if he had feelings for me as more than a friend but he was in love with his ex so nothing could go further between me and him? was it friends or more? obviously hes not interested in me anymore, but this is something ive needed to move on in in order for me to develop other relationships. did he have feelings for me or was he just using me for sex?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]…obviously hes not interested in me anymore, but this is something ive needed to move on in in order for me to develop other relationships… [/quote]

[i]It’s been a year since you’ve talked to him. You really need to let go of this. [/i]Your post says that he told you he felt a friends with benefits relationship with you — and then after a while, he stopped talking to you altogether, so I’d de-emphasize the friends part of that title, if you can call it that. Your own description of the relationship was “hooking up”.

If you can’t move on because you’re trying to decipher a friends with benefits relationship or a hook up relationship, then my advice is not to hook up or get into anything vaguely resembles a friends with benefits relationship. The woman usually loses in these relationships because the guy isn’t that into her — except for the sex. 😕

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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