[leelamaya]

There is this guy who I’ve been crushing on for a while. I could tell he was reciprocating and was encouraged by it. We have been flirting, spending time along, seeking each other out and it was great. Then last week my dog passed away and it hit me pretty hard. He originally had plans to go back to his home town to visit his family for the weekend. But on Friday he showed up at my door saying he’d changed his mind and decided to stay. I took this as a really good sign. Towards the end of the night we ended up watching a movie and cuddling and I decided to be bold and just ask him how he felt. He told me he didn’t know how he felt. He liked me a lot more than his other friends who were girls but he wasn’t sure of his feelings. He then asked if I liked him and I said “Kind of, yeah.” He then said he was sorry and I said he had nothing to be sorry for because you can’t control how you feel. What happened next was 100% influence by me, we started kissing and both of our shirts came of soon after that. It would have gone further, he obviously seemed to want it to, but I stopped it because I knew I’d regret it. After that I basically gave him an ultimatum. I’d give him time to think, if he liked me, great and we go from there, if not, then we go back to bing friends, no hard feelings. I meant what I said and I still do but ever since I feel like things have been different. We still text and talk and what not but something has changed and it’s got me thinking that it’s a bad thing. I do want to start dating him but I’m afraid I’ve scared him away. Is there any chance of recovery or should I just give up and move on?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Yeh. You did. 😕 You can’t give a guy who you’ve never dated once, an ultimatum saying that he has to figure out if he likes you by a certain date, or not — and expect him to stick around. Ultimatums are always a bad idea, but this one was definitely out of line. I think you probably already know that. 😳 I’m not sure how old you both are, and that always helps me when I’m giving advice, so if you do write again, please let me know your ages. But for now, I can tell you that the way you’ll know if a guy likes you is if he asks you out on a date. If you thwart that process or take that opportunity away from him, it’s going to leave you confused because you’ll wonder whether he likes you or not. Since you want to date him, you have to act like someone who wants to date him, which means flirting with him, letting him know you’re interested, and definitely not tossing out ultimatums because you want him to get the show on the road.

I hope that helps. 😉 It sounds like there’s a lot here for you to learn and use for next time there’s a guy you’re interested in. 😉

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