[elaolol]

Me and my boyfriend broke up and its been a really messy brakeup! I ended it because things werent working out and werent the same. After about two months i kissed another guy and realised i still loved him. Then i wanted to get back and he said he had moved on and didnt want to be my friend. I understand him and why he wouldnt want to get back togethet but he did it in the worst way possible! Then after three weeks, we hadnt been talking and he had been ignoring me when i saw him in person, inviting this girl over to his house whos one of my friends and being so rude in person. So i realised that he didnt want anything to dow ith me and didnt want to be my friend! At a party i got with a guy who were both really close with and my ex had the biggest go at me and got his friends too aswell! Im so hurt with what they said to me, but i thought it wouldnt matter who i got with considering he had been ignoring me and didnt want anything to do with me! What should i do?

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

I’m not sure how old you are, and that always helps me give good advice — so if you do write with more questions, let me know your ages. 😉

Sometimes messy breakups are actually gifts in disguise. When things end in a nasty way, it’s unpleasant, but it’s also a way to help us move on. When break ups are sweet and tender, it’s a lot harder to remember why you broke up with someone, or it’s easier to slide back into a rebound or ex-sex. Messy break ups, however, are a way we seem to have of sealing the end of the relationship.

I’m sorry that there was social drama that left you shaken. It’s pretty normal for friends to take sides in a break up or a divorce, and even the most sophisticated couples of all ages, sometimes have a go at each other in the wake of a break up because feelings are running high. Jealousy spikes. Anger surfaces, and people act out.

It sounds like the two of you travel in the same social circles and that’s going to create more opportunity for conflict and anger, so my first piece of advice is to find some new friends, find some new opportunities, and take advantage of this break up to expand who you are, what you do, and where you do it. Simply living well, by branching out, is a way to get over a break up and improve yourself, as well as meet new guys to date (who don’t know your ex!).

It’s probably not a good idea to hang out with or date any of your mutual friends, if you can help it. Of course, if you’ve always had a secret crush on a guy you both know, it would be a shame not to take advantage of that opportunity, but simply dating guys he’s friends with, is going to wind him up. And that will create drama, so decide whether or not the date with his friend is worth it.

Lastly, don’t assume that just because he’s ignoring you doesn’t mean he doesn’t have feelings for you. He does. I don’t know how long the two of you dated, but it’s not easy to get over someone you’ve been in a long term relationship with, quickly. Just because he’s dating other women doesn’t mean his feelings for you are gone. They’re not. So, if he sees you with other guys, he’s going to get jealous. It may not be in your best interest to stir that pot. Hurting him because you’re hurt he’s dating other women isn’t a great dynamic to get into. It’s a lot healthier for you to just move on.

I hope that helps.

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[elaolol]

Thankyou so much for your reply, it has helped me greatly.

We went out for 2.5 years, and are in the same social group. Thats why im trying hard to move on, which is what he told me to do but find it strange and very hurtful that after 2.5 years he has already lost feelings for me. Makes me feel like we had nothing special together.

I just miss him because he was my best friend aswell, and its a lot harder loosing your best friend over your boyfriend!

When i see him do i say hey, i dont think he will to me because i kissed one of his friends. Although all my friends for the last month have been telling me about my ex and my friend, them flirting heaps, texting all day and going over to each others house all the time. And im so scared he will develope feelings for my friend because shes so amazing. I know that things will become better after time, i just get to anxiety every morning and night.

Should i just block him out of my life because all i want is us to be back together but i know that wont happen! Or do i keep myself from having fun with my friends so i dont hurt him even though hes hurting me with my friend ( they havent kissed that i know off but i know they were together last night and the night before they were grinding on eachother at a party). Thats what im struggling with, whether i try be really good and after time he may consider taking me back, or should i just move on?
Thankyou so much xxx

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

I think you should stop keeping tabs on what he’s doing with whom. 😉 And I don’t think you have to block him out of your life, but I do think it’s a good idea to move on. Here’s the advice I gave you. I think it’s good advice. 😉

[quote]It sounds like the two of you travel in the same social circles and that’s going to create more opportunity for conflict and anger, so my first piece of advice is to find some new friends, find some new opportunities, and take advantage of this break up to expand who you are, what you do, and where you do it. Simply living well, by branching out, is a way to get over a break up and improve yourself, as well as meet new guys to date (who don’t know your ex!).

It’s probably not a good idea to hang out with or date any of your mutual friends, if you can help it. Of course, if you’ve always had a secret crush on a guy you both know, it would be a shame not to take advantage of that opportunity, but simply dating guys he’s friends with, is going to wind him up. And that will create drama, so decide whether or not the date with his friend is worth it. [/quote]

I don’t think you should wait for him. You should live your life, and find other men to date!

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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