[Jesskay]

Hello my name is Jessica. My boyfriend broke up with me 4 months ago. I am pregnant with his child but someone told him it may not be his. So he says he can’t trust me anymore. He is the only guy I’ve been with and some girl started rumors. He says he is 98.5% sure the baby is his and he still loves me but he doesn’t know if he can get back with me. Before I got pregnant I was terrified for a serious relationship and he always waited for me but now when I need him most he is not here. I truly love him and miss what we have. I’ve been waiting for him to come back. I don’t bug him I usually wait for him to get ahold of me. What do you suggest I do? He seems to never have time for me but has plenty of time for his friends and maybe even other girls

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you and how old is he?

[Jesskay]

I am 24 and he just turned 36. He has been single for 10 years and has 2 kids from previous marriage. He is scared to get hurt because he was cheated on and feels he doesn’t have much time left to get this right but he wanted to try for this baby.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Thanks for the extra information. Just a few more questions:

How far along in your pregnancy are you?

How long did the two of you date before he broke up with you?

And when you said he “wanted to try” for a baby, how long were you dating before you agreed to try and get pregnant?

[Jesskay]

I am 8 months pregnant. We were dating for 8 months when we tried to get pregnant and he broke up with me after a year being together

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If my math is right, it sounds like he broke up with you as soon as you realized you’d gotten pregnant. 😳 If he wanted to try to have a baby with you, and then as soon as you got pregnant he broke up with you, you’ve got a bigger problem here than whether or not he wants you. His decision to walk out on you is very immature and irresponsible. 😳 This doesn’t bode well for your future with him. 🙁 I think he really didn’t want the pregnancy. And his inner conflict of not wanting it, but trying to get you pregnant, and then leaving when you are, means he doesn’t know himself well and he’s got a lot of internal problems. It’s very hard to have a relationship with someone who’s got internal problems unresolved and who acts them out on his partner.

Your question, does he still want you, is a result of his conflicting behavior and talk to you — which is because he doesn’t know himself. I think he does want you, but he doesn’t want you pregnant and he doesn’t want to be a father again. As you know, he can’t have it all — you ARE pregnant, and he IS going to be a father with you, so unless he sorts himself out, you’re going to get more conflicting behavior from him, and this isn’t someone you can count on. As a mother, you really need to count on your baby’s father, so I think you’re in for more problems with him.

Since you’re already eight months pregnant, you can hope that he will come back to help you raise the baby, but if he doesn’t, you need to prepare to be a single mother. I know this is daunting, but if you get enough support, you can do it.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]

[Jesskay]

What do you suggest I do? When I see him I know he loves me but something holds him back from being with me. I’ve tried my hardest to show him he can trust me and all that since he says he doesn’t trust me. He made a statement once that he thinks when I have this baby it will be just what we need but I feel abandoned right now and may be upset with him that he left when I needed him most.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

As I said before, my advice is that you prepare to be a single mother. Your ex-boyfriend doesn’t want you any more. 😳 I’m sorry to be so blunt, but actions speak louder than words. He may love you in his heart, but he isn’t interested in dating you or being with you any more and he made that clear when he broke up with you four months ago and hasn’t come back since in spite of your pregnancy. 😳 I think you’ll come to find he’s immature and irresponsible and those aren’t good qualities for Mr. Right. 😕 If he does come back, you’re going to be looking over your shoulder, wondering if he’ll leave again, and when — only the next time he won’t just be leaving you. He’ll be leaving your child, too.

He’s a divorced 36 year old with two other children from his marriage. He’s been single for ten years — that’s long enough to get over his divorce — if he wanted to. Again, I’m sorry to be so blunt, but you have a big responsibility in front of you and it’s better if you see things as they really are so you can get down to business and focus on being a good mother. 🙂

[Jesskay]

He will text me and ask what I’m doing and if he hears I may be seeing someone he asks. He has driven by my house. When I ask him what he’s doing he ignores it. What should I do when he writes? Ignore it?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It really depends what he writes.

If he is asking about the baby or the pregnancy, then it’s probably good form to begin co-parenting with him. If it’s romantic, you need to draw the line with him. Unless you see him change his behavior, which at this point would be his getting back together with you full on, no holds barred, and even better, proposing marriage so you can be a legal family together, it’s time to let him go as a boyfriend. 😳 So, yes, that means ignoring him.

[Jesskay]

Even if he says he can’t think about being with me until after the baby comes because someone put the doubt of the baby being his in his mind?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[i]Especially [/i]because he says that. 🙄

Think about it: If he has doubt about the baby being his — how on earth is that going to change unless you take a paternity test — which now, I highly recommend you do.

This guy has dumped you when you needed him most. 😳 He isn’t someone who is going to be there for you or your child. 😳 He’s proven that. It’s time for you to move on from him, emotionally, and to focus on being a single mother. You’re going to need a lot of support, and after the baby is born, you’ll need to get a child support order from the court so he can be responsible for his child. You’ve got a big disappointment on your doorstep, but the sooner you accept and walk through this, the better off you’ll be. 😉

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