[photographylover95]

Hi, I have been with my current boyfriend for 3 and a half years. We are engaged since July 1st of this year. Our relationship wasn’t always easy but hey, who’s is? So anywho, lately I have this overwhelming feeling of missing my ex. I’m thinking about meeting up with him just to see if there is anything still there but I am scared to death because I feel like something might happen and if there is something still there… where do I go from there? Here I am in love with two different people… I thought I moved on from my ex but he always seems to be on my mind.. What should I do??? Please help me.

[AskApril Masini]

Hold on — give me a little more to go on!

How old are the three of you, and what happened with you and the ex? How long did the two of you date, why did you break up, and how long before breaking up did you begin dating your fiancé?

What’s the main gist of the problems you kind of glossed over, in your relationship with your fiancé?

Let me know and I’ll respond further. 😉

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[photographylover95]

Right. Sorry. I am 19, my fiance is 20 and my ex is 19.

My ex and I dated in the summer 2009 and were off and on for about two years. We never really had a stable going relationship because we were always breaking up and making up. I’ve always wanted something real and committed from the beginning but I have to take into consideration that everyone is not me and we were young. Well towards the end of the rrelationship, my ex told me he was on punishment and couldn’t talk or come out and so I got lonely and felt more like a friend than a girlfriend to him and that’s where my fiance came in. As soon as I met my fiance in 2011 I broke off what me and my ex had immediately. He was giving me all the attention in the world and just filled that voided space I had. He made me forget about my ex for awhile but eventually the feelings came back. We got into an argument twice about me talking to m ex but I never pursued anything..

I’ve noticed that I feel “bored” foresay with my life. I work 6 days a week and feel as if I do the same thing every day of my life. I also feel like my fiance doesn’t give me enough affection. I’ve always been the one for lovey-dovey things and romantic gestures and to want someone to be proud of me and show me off and my fiance isn’t that type of person. Don’t get me wrong, he shows me he loves me and kisses me n stuff but not the way I would like him too and I’ve tried talking to him about it but he’s never changed it so I doubt he will now. We’ve been together for 3 and a half years and I’ve never been bought some flowers or even a card.

Now I remember my ex to be the lovey-dovey, affectionate, show off type person so I think that is what attracts me back to him when I’m feeling neglected in my current relationship. But it’s like how do I chose to put my life on the line for someone I don’t know anything about anymore? My bf and I have lived together since 3 months after we met and he’s all I know.

What do I do?! I don’t want to hurt either one let alone hurt myself. 🙁 🙁 🙁

[AskApril Masini]

Thank you for the extra information. It’s very helpful because what you’re telling me is that you’ve been dating your fiancé for 3 years, so between the ages of 16 and 19, which is your current age. And your ex, you dated off and on between the ages of 14 and 16 years old — and now you’re reconsidering your ex because you’re engaged and you have some concerns about your relationship with your fiancé.

I hope I got that right!

What strikes me is that you’re so young, and your fiancé was clearly a rebound relationship because your teenage boyfriend at the time wasn’t able to give you enough attention because he “got into trouble” and was punished by his parents. So instead of being single, you jumped into a new relationship. Sometimes this works, but because you’re so young, and you’re mentioning being bored, and that your fiancé (who I noticed you referred to as your current boyfriend — not your fiancé, even though you got engaged about 2 weeks ago!) doesn’t buy you gifts or kiss you the way you’d like….. it doesn’t seem like this relationship is a good idea.

I think you should consider playing the field, figuring out what you want to do with your life, and being a little more careful with yourself. There’s nothing wrong with knowing you want to marry and have kids, because it sounds like that’s the track you’re on, but there is something wrong with it when it’s not what you want, but it’s just something you default into because you’re bored, or don’t want to be alone.

Reconsider that the feelings you’re having for your ex are really feelings you have about finding an exit door, from this engagement. 😉

I hope that helps!

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[photographylover95]

Well I love my fiance. Don’t get me wrong. My whole life is him. We’ve been through so much and have come so far. We lean on onr another and are always there for each other. We live together, and one really important thing, we have been actively trying for a baby. Then BAM! Here these feelings come out of nowhere and now I’m stuck in this predicament. There are a lot of differences between these two men and could my ex adjust to the life me and my fiance live… could he put up with who I am? Because he couldn’t then. I’m not into the whole break up then make up thing. If I’m with someone, I am serious and committed. He cheated on me then, so what’s to say he wouldn’t do it now? My fiance is either at work or at home with me so I know he is not like that at all. It’s such a hard situation because, how do I choose between what I’ve known and loved for years and someone whos past isn’t the best and I really don’t know who he is anymore?

[AskApril Masini]

You started out asking what you should do. I told you. And now you seem to be saying you’re having trouble taking advice, or making a decision. 😳 Let’s see if I can answer your specific questions. 🙂

[quote]He cheated on me then, so what’s to say he wouldn’t do it now? [/quote]

You already know the answer to this question. 😉 The answer is that nothing is to say he won’t cheat again.

[quote]My fiance is either at work or at home with me so I know he is not like that at all. It’s such a hard situation because, how do I choose between what I’ve known and loved for years and someone whos past isn’t the best and I really don’t know who he is anymore?[/quote]

You’re asking the wrong question. 😉 Yes, it’s a hard situation, but not because you’re having trouble choosing — because you shouldn’t be choosing. You’re creating drama where there should be none. You’re 19 years old, and you’ve gone from one failed relationship, at age 16, into a rebound relationship. He may be a nice guy, and you may love each other, but it doesn’t sound like you’re ready for marriage and a baby. My advice is that you not try to have a baby while you’re not married. And unsure about whether to stay with your fiancé. 😕 Instead, practice birth control, and reconsider the engagement. If you’re thinking about not marrying your fiancé, you should take those feelings seriously, given the fact that this is a rebound relationship, you’re very young, and you’re thinking about another man. 😳

Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you should marry him, have a baby with him, or even date him! We love all types of people in life, but that’s not what makes a healthy, long-lasting relationship. You have to be ready, and from what you’ve written, it isn’t clear that you are.

I hope that helps!

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[Ethan Morales]

Your situation reflects a lot of intensity and emotion, but also the complexity of youth and inexperience. You’re 19, engaged, and considering parenthood, yet simultaneously feeling drawn back to an ex from your teenage years. That contrast between the “known” stability of your fiancé and the emotional pull of your ex is natural, but it’s also a red flag that your decisions may be driven by curiosity or nostalgia rather than true readiness for lifelong commitment.

Your fiancé seems dependable, trustworthy, and invested in your life together. He hasn’t cheated, he’s present, and you’ve built a foundation with him living together, supporting each other, and planning a baby. By contrast, your ex has a history of instability and betrayal, and you admit he may not be the same person as he was before. Comparing the two is risky; it’s easy to idealize the past while overlooking the reality of what you’d be stepping back into.

The feelings you’re experiencing for your ex appear to be tied to unmet emotional needs romance, affection, attention rather than a reflection of a viable long-term partner. April Masini’s insight about your “exit door” is key: your mind may be seeking an escape from boredom or a lack of grand gestures, rather than truly wanting to leave your fiancé. Recognizing this distinction can prevent making decisions that feel exciting but are ultimately destabilizing.

You’re facing pressure to make life-altering decisions marriage and parenthood at an age where exploration and self-discovery are crucial. The fact that you’re questioning your engagement so soon indicates that you may not yet have the clarity or maturity to commit fully. Jumping into a baby or marriage under this emotional confusion could lead to regret and stress for everyone involved, including your child.

The healthiest course is to step back and give yourself breathing room. Avoid meeting your ex or entertaining the idea of rekindling anything. Focus on communication with your fiancé about your emotional needs, explore ways to deepen intimacy and romance in your current relationship, and give yourself space to process feelings without taking immediate action. Emotional impulses shouldn’t dictate life-changing choices.

While love is powerful, it is not enough on its own to sustain a marriage or family. Commitment, stability, trust, and readiness are equally important. At 19, it’s okay and wise to take a pause, assess what you truly want, and make decisions from a place of clarity rather than longing or nostalgia. Your fiancé represents a grounded future; your ex represents emotional temptation from the past. Weigh them carefully.

[Tara]

You’re not “in love with two people.” You’re bored, nostalgic, and looking for an emotional escape hatch before your wedding. Missing your ex isn’t romance; it’s your brain romanticizing the past because your present requires actual commitment. And the fact that you’re even considering meeting your ex behind your fiancé’s back tells me exactly where your loyalty sits: nowhere.

You don’t “accidentally” fall into another man’s arms. You make a choice. And right now, you’re one choice away from blowing up a 3.5-year relationship because you’re chasing a feeling you already know didn’t work the first time. Your ex is on your mind because he’s familiar, not because he’s right for you. If he were the answer, you wouldn’t be engaged to someone else.
If you meet your ex, something will happen because that’s why you want to meet him. So spare yourself the performance of “I’m scared.” You’re not scared. You’re tempted.

[Sally]

It’s not always about wanting your ex back sometimes it’s just an old part of you tugging at your sleeve. When you’re standing on the edge of something big, like getting married, all the “what ifs” show up at once. It doesn’t mean you picked the wrong person.

But meeting up with your ex while you’re engaged… that’s not clarity, that’s temptation dressed up as curiosity. And you already know that.
Maybe ask yourself what you’re really missing him, or the version of you from back then. Those aren’t the same thing.

Give yourself some quiet before you make any move. You don’t want to blow up your life over a feeling that might pass.

[Natalie Noah]

The intensity and confusion you’re experiencing. You’re young, just 19, and the love you have for your fiancé is real and deep. You’ve built a life together, live together, and are even trying for a baby, which shows a level of commitment most teens don’t reach. But these sudden feelings for your ex are surfacing for a reason. they’re tied less to him as he is now and more to what he represents: attention, affection, and the excitement of something familiar but unresolved. Your mind is recalling the romantic gestures and emotional fulfillment you didn’t fully get in that early relationship, and your current sense of boredom or unmet emotional needs makes those memories feel even more appealing.

That said, April’s advice is spot on: this isn’t about choosing between two men; it’s about your readiness for the choices you’re making. Marriage and parenthood are huge commitments, and jumping into them while emotionally conflicted is risky. Your ex cheated in the past, which is a glaring red flag. you can’t ignore that history when weighing your feelings. In contrast, your fiancé’s love and stability are clear, even if it doesn’t match the “romantic ideal” you’ve been craving. You’re attracted to the fantasy of what could be with your ex, but the reality is that relationship was unstable and emotionally inconsistent.

The healthiest move now is to pause and focus on clarity before making any life-altering decisions. That means taking a step back from thoughts of your ex and assessing what you truly need in a partner: emotional security, shared values, and readiness for the future you’re planning. It also means being honest with yourself about whether marriage and trying for a baby are appropriate for your current emotional maturity. Your love for your fiancé is real, but love alone isn’t enough to guarantee a healthy, lasting relationship especially if there’s lingering doubt or unresolved feelings. Give yourself space to reflect, and don’t rush into anything that could complicate your life further.

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