[Helen34]

Hi April
I’m in a bit of a pickle.
In February I split up with my long term boyfriend of 6 years. He was a lovely bloke, he treated me well but the plain and simple fact was I just didn’t feel THAT way about him anymore. I had split up with him 6 months previous to this because of the same reason but missed the safety of the relationship and so went back. There was no one else involved I just didn’t fancy him anymore and unfortunately its ended on bad terms (as I would have liked to have remained friends).
Anyway, since then I’ve moved out of home and into a place with a mate. Her boyfriend’s brother was just recently dumped (in January) and was looking for a single girl to ‘have some fun’ with and she gave him my number as she knew I wasn’t looking for anything serious at the time either, which I wasn’t.
We clicked instantly and became “friends with benefits” on the second date and have been for the last month or so now. Trouble is, and I never expected to have done this but….I’m falling for him. He is funny, he turns me on like hell, he’s sensitive and generally a really nice bloke. He is definately not a player! However, he doesn’t want a relationship “at the moment” as he keeps telling everyone as he was hurt by his last girlfriend and also he has some deeper issues from his past that he is currently finding hard to deal with and is having to see a counsellor.
We have been having to see each other in secret too as his best friend is mates with my ex.
I don’t really know what to do. Do I stick around in the hope that he might eventually want a relationship when his head is sorted? Or do I get out now? Before I get hurt even more because I know leaving him now would really upset me.
My mate who I live with knows him very well and she says he does eventually want to settle down but he needs to sort his head out first.
Some advice would be great.
Thanks
Helen

[Ask April Masini]

He’s being clear with you that he doesn’t want a relationship, so you should take him seriously. You have no reason not to. That should be the beginning and the end of the discussion.

But you have another issue which is keeping you in relationships that aren’t right for you and that issue is a fear of being single. Until you accept that it’s better to be single than tying up your time with Mr. Wrong because he’s keeping you from finding or being found by Mr. Right, you’re going to have troubled relationships.

My suggestion is to stop seeing him since he isn’t offering you what you want, and make the decision to go for what you do want — Mr. Right! — even if it means being single until you find him. 😉

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