[GoldenEyes_24]

ive been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. longest relationship ive ever had. Im about to turn 20, hes 26..He has two kids with his ex-wife & we have a beautiful 2 month old baby girl.

Ever since i was about 6 months pregnant, we just havnt been getting along, we have our good days.. but most days.. we are constantly snapping at each other or go all day with barely saying a word to each other. & recently, his two kids have been extremely disrespectful towards me & insult me & my daughter.. his kids are 3 & 6.. his 6 year old will purposely call my daughter by their moms new babys name & will smile at me… & will tell her she needs to stop it & call my daughter by her own name & she will just laugh at me or pretend she cant hear me.. His 3 year old doesnt even want to say my daughters name. he cries when i talk to him now. for example, my boyfriend had said something to me, & his 3yr old was like.. “what dad?” & all i said to him was.. “he wasnt talking to you, buddy. okay?” & he gave me a look of hatred & ran off crying… or when he wakes up, he wont come downstairs unless his dad is awake.. or if his dad isnt in the room his kids will just stare at me or constantly ask where their dad is & if they can go by him.. they never used to be like this.. it started about 3-4 months ago.. before my daughter was even born.. so the kids seem to just add onto the issues we already have. & because of this, ive been living at my mothers for the past month… ive put up with the kids making rude comments to me & about me & my daughter for months now.. we have tried talking to them to try to help them understand they hurt my feelings when they do this stuff.. but they just dont seem to want to stop.. we try talking to them, punishing them (time-outs & are made apologize).. tried me leaving for one weekend, coming back the next.. nothing seems to change…& because of this.. i have these horrible thoughts of how much easier things would be if my boyfriend didnt have other children.. & its gotten to the point i dont even want to be around them because im sick of listening to how their mom & her new baby is so much better than me & my daughter.. or having them not want to be around me unless their dad is right there.. or not being able say 3 words to them without them getting upset & running off or pretending im not there

Lately, i get so irritable around my boyfriend.. he will come over to see our daughter & he will try to make me smile & ill get annoyed.. he will joke around & I wont even break a smile… all i keep thinking is that i want him to stop talking.. When he kisses me, i dontfeel that spark anymore.. i cant look at him without wanting to cry. i love him so much, but i dont feel the same anymore… i feel like a horrible person for hurting him like this & our daughter is only 2 months old… i never wanted this to happen, but what can i do? His kids dont want me around anymore.. me & him can barely talk to each other without an argument starting up. Im not happy at his house.. its the same house him & his ex-wife started their family in & ive been begging him to move so we can make our own memories instead of living in the old ones… STILL hasnt happened.. when i think of leaving my moms & moving back there, i actually get very upset/emotional.. i dont want to go back there.. 🙁

i dont know what i should do.. i dont want to hurt him.. but im so unhappy right now.. am i falling out of love with him..?? should i let this go, so we can both try to at least have a friendship for our daughters sake? or what should i do? Keep trying & just keeping hoping sooner or later things will get better? please.. help me.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I don’t think you’re falling out of love with him. I think you’re overwhelmed. And you’re probably exhausted. And you’re having a hormone shift that is making you emotional.

But that said, you have to make some changes:

1. Your boyfriend’s children are 3 and 6. You can’t get insulted by 3 and 6 year olds who have just been thrown into a wildly difficult situation where their mom has a new baby with her new boyfriend or husband and their dad has a new baby with his new girlfriend. You have to be a lot more empathetic to them.

2. Stop giving your boyfriend’s 3 and 6 year olds time outs for being rude and making them apologize. This situation calls for maturity and parenting. If they’re punished for insulting dad’s girlfriend who is living in their home, of course they’re going to hate you. You really need to put yourself in their shoes, if possible and whenever possible.

3.It doesn’t sound like your boyfriend has done anything wrong. He’s not selling the house because it’s too much transition for the 3 and 6 year old. He’s right. You are the one who has to make the adjustment. So try and be happy that he has a home for you and your daughter to live in at all.

4. Get some support for yourself. You need to find a sense of humor in all this. Your problems aren’t that bad — but your hormones, lack of sleep, and new baby responsibilities are making you super vulnerable. Let your mom babysit so you and your boyfriend can have a date night. Go out with your girlfriends.

5. Build a relationship with your boyfriend’s kids. Take them out for ice cream without your new baby. They need to get to know, trust and like you. This isn’t going to happen overnight. Right now you’re a “take away” for them. You have to become an asset.

I know you’re only 20 and that’s young, but when you became a mother — and a potential step-mother — you took on some big shoes. You can fill them, but don’t run away and give yourself some support for this new part of your life.

I hope this helps. Please let me know how things go — I know this isn’t necessarily going to be a smooth ride — and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Member]

Posts