[matias1984]

A Little background information:

I met a girl on match.com. We have been talking for a total of almost 9 months. after about 5-6 months of talking I asked her out / to meet her. She lives 3 hours from me, I know long distance relationships aren’t the best, but 3 hrs away isn’t extremely far. We went out about 2 months ago, over a weekend, Saturday I drove to her, we went to dinner, a parade, then a movie. Sunday we met for lunch before I had to head for home. I asked her out again about 3 weeks later, she said ok, but plans changed for her & now it seems every time I ask there is an excuse, she was working a lot so I know she’s busy. I have asked her once IF she wanted to see me again, she said yes. but it still seems not to be coming together… Now I have come to realize I have fallen for her, she is, as far as I can tell, everything I have ever looked for in a woman & I can’t get her off my mind…. Now my question is, should I tell her how I feel about her? Also, it needs to be noted that she had on her profile that she didn’t want to jump into a relationship with someone she started talking to or just met ( her words ) But after 9 months, I wonder if I should tell her that I care for her, or am I being impatient? I don’t want to jump the gun & scare her away.

Thanks so much for reading. I really hope to get some advice on this matter as I have never felt this strongly for anyone before.

[AskApril Masini]

[quote]Now my question is, should I tell her how I feel about her?[/quote]

No. 😯

You’ve basically been on one date. It’s way too soon to tell her this — or to know it, frankly. It’s going to make you look impulsive and needy. Instead, try for a second date. 😉

[quote]Also, it needs to be noted that she had on her profile that she didn’t want to jump into a relationship with someone she started talking to or just met ( her words ) But after 9 months, I wonder if I should tell her that I care for her, or am I being impatient? I don’t want to jump the gun & scare her away. [/quote]

Yes, you’re being way too impatient and you’re jumping the gun. She’s also pretty much spelled out for you that she doesn’t want to jump into anything, so don’t ignore her. 😕

In addition, you’re also mis-calculating the “9 months”. You may have met her online 9 months ago, but you’ve had one date, only — the rule of thumb is that after three months of actual dating, you should decide if you want to continue to date her, and after six months of dating, you should decide if you want to be monogamous. And — the same goes for her. Follow that guideline. 🙂

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[matias1984]

I greatly appreciate the advice, you pretty much confirmed what I already thought, I know I’m being impatient.
I do have another question though, You had said, “try for a second date.” I have done that & she said yes. Well, when it came time for me to head over to where she lives, she said she had forgot & had said she would work that night, she tried to make changes but couldn’t back out. Now she asked me if I’d take a rain check & said she felt bad, that it wasn’t fair to me if I came all that way & she was working until late. Now I’ve asked a couple times over the course of a couple months, ( by the way, I don’t ask repeatedly ) but the couple times I’ve asked, it seems like she has excuses (usually job related.)
So I kinda feel like she doesn’t wanna go again.
Does that sound right? Or am I just over thinking it? Should I keep trying to set something up? If so, how long should I keep trying?
She said she wants to see me again. I know I need to be patient, and I’m trying to be. I just don’t really know what to think at this point. Any help would be appreciated & thanks again for your previous advice.

[AskApril Masini]

[quote]Does that sound right? [/quote]

Yes, it does sound right. She isn’t that interested. 🙁

[quote]Or am I just over thinking it? [/quote]

No — it doesn’t sound like you’re over thinking it, but you also aren’t playing the field, which would keep you busy and not focused on someone who isn’t saying yes. 😉

[quote]Should I keep trying to set something up? If so, how long should I keep trying?[/quote]

No, you should not keep trying if she’s turned you down a couple of times already. Instead, date others. Play the field. And make it clear (if only to yourself) you’re not sitting around waiting for her and are attractive to other women. Lots of times someone who’s rejected you will have second thoughts when she sees you’re dating other people. 😉

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