[cag560]

my girlfriend and I are in a committed relationship. We have expressed our love for one another and I love her very much.
She has this male friend she has had for years well before she met me. Shes never had a relationship other than friends however he is a flirty type guy but its never gone past that. I checked her phone because curiosity got the better of me and i saw texts between them. She had sent him a picture of herself showing him the progress she had made at the gym, as he is a fitness guy. He replied “nice legs” and she said “I bet you’d like them wrapped around you” that was it, but it bothered me so i confronted her. She didn’t make excuses she apologized and said she was completely wrong and doesn’t know why she responded that way. She said it meant nothing to her and she has no desire to sleep with him and is committed to me. She said if I had done that to her she would be upset too and assured me it will never happen again and that she will prove to me she can be trusted and that she loves me and cannot live without me. I want to forgive her and move on and I do believe the things she said. I just don’t know what the right thing to do is. Thank u

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Since the two of you have only been dating for five months, consider this a bump in the road that you can get past. You confronted her, she acknowledged your feelings, expressed understanding of what she did wrong, and apologized. Now, you’re feeling like you’re jealous and worried about this other guy — I get it, and you’re not wrong. But you have to give things time to settle. You’re still relatively new in her life and he’s a friend who will fade away a little (or a lot) as your relationship with her becomes stronger. When a new relationship, like yours, forms, other relationships — family, friends, best friends — all have to jockey for position and accommodate the new relationship. Sometimes this is a graceful process and sometimes it’s not. In this case, you brought to your girlfriend’s attention, behavior she was exhibiting with a male friend, that isn’t appropriate now that she’s in a relationship with you, because it’s disrespectful and her flirtation with this other guy made you feel uncertain of what you had thought was certain. You may have to do this again. She may have to do it with you. It may not be an opposite sex friend next time, it may be her mother, or your mother, or one of your children — but you have the tools to do this and you have to allow yourself to be uncomfortable and process these relationships. They’re fluid. You’re doing great. 😉

[Sally]

What matters here is what happened after. She didn’t dodge it. She owned it. She apologized without blaming you or minimizing it. That says something. People who don’t care usually get defensive. She didn’t.
At the same time, it’s okay that you’re still unsettled. Trust doesn’t snap back instantly just because someone says the right words. It rebuilds through changed behavior over time, not promises.
If you want to forgive her, do it slowly. Pay attention to what she does next, not how bad she feels right now. And be honest about what you need to feel safe again.
You’re not wrong for being hurt. Just don’t ignore your gut, even if your heart wants peace fast.

[Tara]

Your girlfriend crossed a line, knew exactly what she was doing, and only stopped because she got caught.
That text wasn’t accidental. It wasn’t “gym talk.” “I bet you’d like them wrapped around you” is sexual flirting, full stop. That’s not something a committed woman sends to a man she claims is “just a friend.” If you hadn’t checked her phone, that dynamic would still be alive and well.

You violated her privacy by checking her phone because your gut already knew something was off. Don’t pretend this came out of nowhere. You felt it, you looked, and you were right. Own that.

Her apology matters, but words are cheap when the alternative is losing you. Saying “it meant nothing” is damage control, not proof of loyalty. People don’t send sexually suggestive messages to someone who means nothing. They send them for attention, validation, or to keep a door cracked open. Pick one.

Here’s the part you’re avoiding: trust does not magically reset because someone cries, apologizes, and says, “I can’t live without you.” Trust resets with behavior, boundaries, and consequences. That male friend is no longer harmless. If he stays exactly where he is in her life, you’ll resent him, and she’ll slowly disrespect you again, maybe more carefully next time.

The right thing to do is simple and uncomfortable. You forgive her only if she draws a hard boundary with him no flirting, no suggestive banter, no private validation. And you make it clear this is the last pass. Not a threat. A fact.

[Member]

Posts