[zaq12wsx]

Alright so basically I’ve been dating this girl now for almost a year and I really really do love this woman. She is amazing and our relationship is great. Im 20 and in college and she is already talking about spending the rest of our lives together and wants to spend every waking moment together no matter what the cost. We are in a long distance relationship and only get to see one another intermittently. So far when she brings our future together I agree and mirror her language; however, although I am genuinely in love with her I am completely not ready for this serious of a relationship. Out of a scared trapped feeling I get a little reckless when inebriated and hooked up with another girl on two different occasions :(. Different girls and happened about 6 months apart. I deeply regret doing it and feel extremely guilty. Honestly, I feel like the last thing i can do is tell her because I don’t know if I could handle seeing the way she would react. All would undoubtedly be lost and I do not want that however at the same time I do not want the serious relationship also. I wish there was some way I could indefinitely suspend the seriousness and just remain friends and keep the option of spending the rest of our lives together a viable option. A little guidance or help would be greatly appreciated. Thank You.

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

[quote]So far when she brings our future together I agree and mirror her language; [/quote]

Stop doing this. It’s dishonest and it’s making [i]you[/i] feel terrible. 😳 You have to find the guts to be yourself. Tell her you love her, but you really can’t commit to the future together. You love dating her now, but you don’t see yourself getting married any time in the next decade.

That’s all you have to do right now — but I know it’s a tall order because it’s new behavior for you. 😉 You can do it. And you’ll feel a lot better having told the truth, even if it means she’s disappointed. Nobody wants someone who lies to them — we all want to know the truth, even if it hurts, so we can move on or stay — but ultimately, be able to make our own choices based on what’s real — not on what’s a lie.

Good luck — and let me know how things go.

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[zaq12wsx]

So would you recommend telling her that I cheated on her and that I am not ready for this type of commitment all at once? She will undoubtedly hate me forever. And in your eyes, is it pretty much an impossibility to somehow tell her Im not ready for a relationship of this intensity at this point in my life, while simultaneously keeping prospects of spending our lives together promising??? Because I absolutely at some point want her to be the mother of my children but now this guilt makes me feel like that will never work(guilt from cheating). Overall its a bad situation and its taking away from the prime of my life.

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

If you really want to marry her and have children with her ….. [i]one day[/i], somewhere out there in the future….. then telling her you cheated on her will definitely make her run in the other direction. My advice is to explain to her that you’re not ready now for a serious relationship and that you think it’s a good idea for both of you to play the field to make sure that when you are ready to settle down, you’ll know for sure that she’s the one and that you don’t resent her for having held you back.

Now, while that’s pretty honest, you have to understand that you’re setting her free to do the same. And, you’re understanding that this type of relationship may not be what she wants right now. In other words, she may walk. But, you can’t have your cake and eat it, too, so recognize that up front. You have to be more honest than you are now. I’m not advocating lying — but I think you don’t have to tell her all the gory details. You can leave it at “playing the field”.

I hope that helps. Let me know how it goes, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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