[st0rminateacup18]

I work at a pub, and a group of guys who work down the street frequent there.

I first became good friends with a guy, I will call him “Steve”. I could tell he was attracted to me, but I wasn’t attracted to him like that, and it wasn’t really a big deal. Not too long after I met Steve, I met his best friend “John.” I was instantly attracted to him, and developed a major crush on him. He’s ten years older than I am, which may be worth mentioning here.

After hanging out with John a few times, we ended up spending a magical weekend together. Yes, we slept together, which was stupid of me because nothing was officially established. However, before we slept together, I could tell he was at least attracted to me. He would compliment me, flirt with me, etc. The more I was exposed to him, the more I grew to like him.

Anyways, the weekend we spent together was just so amazing. I’d never felt such a strong connection with anyone in my whole life. I felt like I could be myself with him, and I felt comfortable looking him in the eyes, which I’ve found awkward with anyone else in the past. I was completely open with him, admitting that I liked him so much, and he reciprocated everything I said. The second night we spent together, we woke up, and just laid in bed for about 5 hours. It felt so right. I felt like I was high or something… nothing ever felt so real and amazing.

Thing is, after that weekend, I didn’t hear from him. He didn’t even come to my job. I couldn’t understand what was wrong or why he would do that after such an amazing weekend. I know he thought it was amazing too. I could tell he didn’t want it to end. I ended up caving in after two weeks and sending him a message on Facebook, asking how he was doing. He responded, said he’d been very busy with work, and asked me how I was doing. I responded, and asked him if he wanted to hang out sometime. He didn’t respond for 24 hours, and the impatience in me surfaced, and I sent him a slightly angry message. No response. So I send him a couple more, nothing too out of hand, but still, no response.

I keep quiet for a while… and then his best friend, Steve, and I start hanging out often. I feel myself beginning to like Steve, and ever since then, we’ve been messing around a bit. However, the way I feel about Steve is NOTHING compared to the way I feel about John. And Steve knows how I feel about John, but I know that he’s very into me, and he even hates when I bring John up. And I know he liked me before John and I hooked up, it was obvious. I am sure it didn’t make him happy to see what was going on between John and I.

Anyways… one night I see Steve and John at a bar. This was about a month and a half after I sent the facebook messages. He says hi to me, and me, being drunk and angry, say “oh, hi” with a sarcastic, rude attitude. He then proceeds to talk to some girl.. which angers me.. so I go up to him and tell him what a jerk he is, and say “well, I hope you and that girl have fun together tonight!” And he says “Who said I was going home with her?”… I am not sure what happened next, because I was very drunk, but I know I went home that night and sent him another round of Facebook messages telling him how much I liked him and how badly he hurt me. Bad idea, I know.

Anyways.. of course no response. Then about 2 weeks later, he comes into my job with mutual friends, and we don’t say a word to each other. I completely ignore him, and he completely ignores me. Meanwhile, Steve and I continue to mess around, which I know is awful on my part, but I am torn between the small amount of feelings I do have for Steve, and the absolute infatuation I have for John.

So one night, Steve comes to my job, and I end up giving him a ride home. John and Steve live in the same building, and I am pretty sure I saw Steve leaving in a cab to go out somewhere. He knows my car, and my windows aren’t tinted, so I know he saw Steve and I in the car.

The next day, the day before Valentines day, he deletes me from Facebook.. I know it sounds stupid, but to me, it’s the ultimate F YOU. That was our only connection to each other, and now it’s gone. I would understand more if he deleted me off Facebook after the crazy messages, but this was slightly out of the blue. I don’t know why it would take him so long.

Some background on John. He’s in his mid 30’s, has never had a serious girlfriend (that I know of), and is quite immature for his age. But I know what him and I had was real. The connection and the chemistry between us was impossible to deny. The way he looked at me, the way he couldn’t keep his hands off me, the things he was saying to me. It was so intense, better than anything I’ve ever felt, better than any drug could ever be. I’ve never EVER felt that before. And I know he felt it too, it’s something I just can’t explain, and I am terrified that I’ll never be able to find that again with someone else.

So why would he run away, and just ignore me? I have no idea if his best friend told him about him and I, or if he just hates me, or if he was afraid of me. Nobody has told me a thing, he hasn’t told me a thing, and I know I may have scared him away by sending him drunken, crazy facebook messages, but I felt I deserved an explanation. Before we slept together, he was always coming around, always flirting and being sweet to me, and then he just disappears and ignores me. I just don’t understand why he would do that. Especially since that last time we saw each other (before we were on bad terms), we spent five hours in his bed together, completely sober, and completely happy.

I’m going absolutely crazy. I feel like I screwed things up so bad, and I really really think I love this guy. Is there anything at all that I can do to fix things? I feel like I am never going to connect with someone the way I connected with him again. And I don’t want to hurt Steve either, but I think I already have.

Please help me!!

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

I can help you, but you have to be willing to change your behavior.

1. Buy and read Think & Date Like A Man: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. And don’t just skim it. Really read it!

2. Stop creating drama. You have a part in the drama and the relationships you’re creating. Decide that you are not going to act or behave in ways that don’t serve you.

3. If you want a relationship that isn’t just sex, then don’t act like it. When you sleep with a guy on the first date, you’ve let him know you’re not interested in getting to know him first.

4. Don’t contact guys first. Let them chase you. If they don’t, assume they’re not interested and move on. If you’re angry that they’re not into you, then focus that anger at the gym, or by talking to a girlfriend. Don’t get angry at the guy.

5. If you date a guy’s best friend, expect drama. My advice is not to do so.

I hope this helps. I know it’s not how you usually do things — but clearly, you need a change. 😀

Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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