[AMK24]

I have a problem. Literally my whole life I’ve wanted female companionship. When I was young I wanted a little sister. I also had female imaginary friends that I would try to impress. I’ve loved women since I was little. Since being 13 I’ve wanted to be in a relationship, I’m just happier in one. I don’t like being single at all, my life feels empty when I am. So basically, I crave female companionship. I won’t even sleep with a girl unless I know her as a person and have her as a real friend first. That’s how important intimacy is to me. Anyways, me and my last girlfriend broke up and I’m trying to force myself to enjoy being single but I just can’t enjoy it. The problem that I’m looking for help with is that I can’t keep living like this, I think I’m a codependent. I don’t know, maybe I’m not, I just want your opinion on all of this. Am I the only one that feels the way I do? Any kind of advice would be great! Quick note, I’ve already been told that a relationship won’t solve all my problems, but I think my only real problem is wanting companionship so much. Other than that life is great. The only ways I know to solve my desire for a girlfriend is either to get one, or learn how to want to be single, but I don’t know how to do that. I just want to be happy.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like what you really want is relationship security. This is different from companionship. Companionship is pretty easy to find — either with a romantic interest or a buddy, but romantic, relationship security is more elusive — and more of a prize! Rather than see your desire as a problem, adjust your attitude and consider that what you want is to pull the gold ring! And there is nothing wrong with that. Your anxiety about it comes from your awareness that it’s not that easy to do.

What you want to avoid is being panicky, desperate and reactive. What you want to embrace is having a goal, reaching it with wise decisions and behavior, and understanding that it’s not going to happen overnight.

Ironically, one of the best ways to find Ms. Right is to be a happy, successful person on your own. Anyone who’s desperate isn’t that. You have to learn to balance wanting what you want, figuring out how to get it, and understanding that it’s a process, not a dove pulled out of a hat in a few seconds.

If you adjust your attitude and understanding of the process, I think you’ll be a lot happier — and successful. I hope that helps!

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[lindasaw358]

Don’t focus yourself into a girl. Make yourself busy.
hang out with friends. “Much better to be a single than to be in a wrong relationship”.

I have steps for you of how to enjoy being single.

1. Ignore the naysayers. In a couple-driven consumer marketing society, you’re bound to come across people who wonder why you’re single, as if the ultimate goal in life is to pair up with another human being and cling to that ideal as if your life depends on it. They might even imply that something is “wrong” with you if you’re single. Brace yourself for that kind of ignorance. Remember that you don’t have to defend your right for being single, just like it’s rude to attack the validity of someone’s relationship. Just say “I prefer being single” and change the subject or mention that statistics show that 1/2 of all people are single.

2. Focus on friendship. Being single doesn’t have to mean being lonely. When you’re single, you have more time to do a variety of things, all of which are opportunities to forge new friendships. Even if you’re an introvert, this can be an excellent time to nurture your extroverted side. But social butterflies can grapple with loneliness too. Make it a priority in your life to create meaningful friendships and enrich your existing ones.

* Learn How to Talk to Strangers. Or, if you’re already good at that, how about How to Hug a Stranger?
Practice communication skills that improve and deepen friendships: How to Be a Good Listener and How to Practice Nonviolent Communication.
* Get better at dealing with difficult people. Read How to Cultivate Compassion in Your Life and How to Deal With Impossible People and who knows? You might find a friend where you previously only found frustration.
* Be Optimistic. Whether you’re in a relationship or not, you want to be happy. Research shows that the number one ingredient for happiness, by far, is optimism.

3. Enjoy your freedom. Everybody has radical little fantasies…and the chances of pairing up with someone who shares such a fantasy with equal fervor is not something to hold your breath for. So what are you waiting for? Find some people who have the same idea, or just go for it alone, and you’ll meet like-minded people along the way.

* How to Start Living in a Tiny House – Much more easily done when you live by yourself!
* Camp As a Lifestyle – Not easy to do if you have a significant other who isn’t as enthused about the outdoors as you are.
* How to Travel on a Very Limited Budget – Radical ideas for shoestring travel.
* Become a Hobo – Not something that’s easy to pull off if you’re in a relationship with someone whose location is fixed.
* Grow Your Own Food – This takes up a lot of your time, and is ridiculously hard to pull off in a relationship if your partner isn’t as passionate about it as you are. However, it’s a good activity to try.

4. Appreciate the absence of compromise. Classic relationship advice dictates that compromise, sacrifice are essential to a healthy relationship. Perhaps if you’ve been in a relationship before, you realize how much stuff you had to give up in order to make that relationship work. Or maybe you forgot about that stuff, because you’re focused on the things you miss. Well, this is a good time to shift that focus. If you’re a slob, isn’t it great to be able to leave your stuff laying around, without anybody minding? If you’re a neat freak, isn’t it wonderful to be able to organize everything, and find it the way you left it? Isn’t it nice to be able to cook and eat and enjoy foods that a partner might be averse to? Isn’t it cool to be able to go out spontaneously, without wondering whether your partner can or should be invited? A relationship can add many good things to your life, but it also adds some rigidity, so take the time to appreciate your current flexibility.

5. Cherish the excitement. Relationships tend to come along with planning–for example, you can’t just accept a job across the country without touching base with your significant other. And generally, if you’re in it for the long haul, you’ll likely talk about what you’ll be doing years from now. But when you’re single, the future is completely open. Today you’re at your desk, and a year from now you might be camping in Alaska. Right now you’re single, but tomorrow you might meet your soul-mate. Who knows? Fantasize. Be spontaneous. Be bold.

6. Being married is a “lifestyle choice” and not a “requirement.” Therefore, being single is a “lifestyle choice” and not a “default option.” It is possible to CHOOSE to be single. There are advantages to being single just as there are disadvantages to being married, such as loss of personal freedom, having to compromise, etc. Conversely, there are advantages to being single, as well as disadvantages. Whether one is married or single is nothing more than a lifestyle.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you. 😉

[Member]

Posts