[Samt93]

I dated my ex for quite some time… She was my crush. At first it was equal and mutual but as we dated I was more into her (her perspective) a couple of months into the relationship I told her I loved her. She smiled and hugged me and her only response was “why?” At first I thought it was some sort of test but it wasn’t… She was genuinely asking why was I in love with her. 3 weeks after that she told me that things won’t be working out. I was frustrated but I understood. She gave me the cold shoulder for a few days then we slowly got back together like nothing happened. We were back to normal but she kept asking “why?” Every time i told her i lived her. she kept on saying I’m a good guy, too nice or too good for her. She cried every time she told me this. One day she leaves for Hanukkah to visit her dad and when she came back we ended things again. It has been over 3 months, almost 4. I am still in love with her. I cry myself to sleep every now and then. I’ve been sad and haven’t been stable emotionally or physically. I’ve been tired. I still go back to that time in my head. I quote things she said. We dated for about 8 months and I’m not over her. My friends tried setting me up with other girls but I can’t seem to be able to go out with someone when I’m still in love with my ex. Plus I really really really don’t understand how a guy can be too nice for someone. I gave her all I had to give. We ended things on good terms because quite frankly, I can’t imagine my life without her. I’m lost. I tried everything and this blog/forum is my last resort. If you do have any advice it would be highly appreciated. Thank you Sam

I’ve never actually dated before her. I’m 22 and have no where to turn.

[AskApril Masini]

Breaking up is painful, and when you end things without drama, it’s ironically, more painful than if there’s a big fight or abuse or cheating. 🙁 Time is your friend, and it will bring about healing, but you’re not going to get over this before you’re ready to. The other thing to think about is that not everyone you love will love you back — and vice versa. In fact, not everyone you like will like you back, and vice versa. That’s just how life works. Just because you want someone or something, doesn’t mean you get them. Try to really absorb that. I mean, would you really want someone who doesn’t want you? No. You wouldn’t. So take this rejection as part of life, and move away from the doors that are closed, and towards those that are open. If you’re not ready to date again yet, then don’t, but don’t sit home and mope. Do get out and take care of yourself, doing things you enjoy — whether it’s working, playing sports, or seeing friends.

I hope that helps.

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