[Sikki]

My boyfriend made a Facebook account, that he didn’t tell me about. I found it because it came up on people I may know. I typed his cell phone number in search, to make sure it was him. Most of his friends that he added are random chicks, one being a porn star. He actually watched a video of her dancing naked, with me laying right beside him
. He is acting as if he did no wrong. He tells me I’m the love of his life,and he wants to marry me,and I believed him until this. My trust in him took a huge hit. Should I leave him? I feel like he emotionally cheated on me. I found it very disrespectful to our relationship, and I’m humiliated. What would you

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I understand that you feel betrayed. You didn’t know about this account and having stumbled on it, and sussed it out, you feel that his secret interaction with other women is threatening to your relationship. But before you freak out completely, pause and consider what it is he’s looking for in this social media account, and what he’s getting out of it. Is there a part of your relationship with him that isn’t working for him? Is he looking elsewhere for a certain fulfillment? Are the two of you having any problems — maybe problems that you didn’t think were that big a deal? Maybe these random women make him feel important and valuable. So take a breath and use this discovery as an opportunity to reconnect with your boyfriend and to learn more about why he’s connecting on this social media account, what he’s getting out of it, and what you and he can do within the relationship you already have, to get his needs met so he doesn’t have to look elsewhere. 😉

[Sally]

Making a whole Facebook account and not telling you is already a crack in trust. Adding random women, especially a porn star, and then watching that stuff right next to you like it’s no big deal? That’s disrespectful. Plain and simple. The worst part isn’t even the account. It’s him acting like you’re wrong for feeling hurt.

When someone says you’re the love of their life, their actions should line up. This didn’t. And it makes sense that you feel embarrassed and unsure now. Anyone would.

I won’t tell you to leave or stay. But I will say this: if he can’t own how this hurt you and brush it off instead, that’s a bigger issue than Facebook. Pay attention to that. Trust doesn’t break all at once. It cracks, then widens if it’s ignored.

[Tara]

This man does not respect you, and he never did. Men who are serious about marriage don’t create secret social media accounts to collect random women like Pokémon cards. They don’t hide behavior. They don’t sit next to the woman they “love” while getting sexually stimulated by another woman and then pretend it’s normal. That’s not ignorance. That’s contempt.

He didn’t forget to tell you. He hid it. Hiding is intent. Intent means he knew it would bother you and did it anyway. That alone disqualifies him from being a trustworthy partner.

And let’s be very clear: watching porn isn’t the core issue. The issue is the audacity. He watched a naked woman dance while you were right there, then dismissed your reaction. That’s a power move. He’s testing how much disrespect you’ll swallow. Your humiliation isn’t accidental; it’s the cost of staying silent while he does whatever he wants.

You didn’t lose trust because you’re insecure. You lost trust because he behaved like a man who wants the benefits of a relationship without the responsibility or restraint. Calling you “the love of his life” while behaving like this is manipulation, not romance. Words are cheap. His actions are loud.

If you stay, here’s the future: more hiding, more gaslighting, more you questioning your sanity while he plays dumb. He already showed you the version of himself that comes out when he thinks you won’t leave. That version doesn’t improve. It escalates.

Leaving is the right choice unless you’re willing to accept a relationship where your boundaries are optional, your feelings are inconvenient, and your dignity is negotiable. The final verdict is simple: if you stay, you’re teaching him that disrespect has no consequences. And once you teach a man that lesson, he will never unlearn it.

[Member]

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