[logjam25]

I’ve been hanging out with this girl for about a month now, about 5 times or so. Just very casual, lunch once, a few movies at my house, went to where she works a few times, etc. But we have been planning to go out to a movie and she is always available to hang out with me now. When I first met her, she was so busy she would never hang out with me, now that she finally did, she wants to a lot. The thing with her is that she has a boyfriend and has been dating him for over a year. I obviously don’t think they are doing that great, but I’m not sure what to do right now. I feel like I need to talk to her about him and see what she plans to do before I hang with her again. We haven’t hugged, touched, kissed, anything. I’ve been completely respectful of her boyfriend and she knows that. I also talk to her best friend a lot and she tells me that she is on my side and not her boyfriends, so that’s one plus. Just not sure what I need to do to take her from him, or now to go about it. Thanks!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Dating is competitive, and since she’s not married, and she’s showing interest in you, my advice is that you continue on the path you’re on — it sounds like you’re looking at a real date, now. If you have a few real dates, with affection, hand-holding, kissing, etc., where she shows you with her behavior that she’s interested in you as more than a friend, then you might want to discuss her “boyfriend”, although, if she’s dating you, you’ll already know that her boyfriend isn’t all that important to her, because you’ll be winning the game (she’s the prize!).

It’s pretty much assumed that most people are playing the field when you first begin dating, so it’s not really appropriate for you to have “the talk” about the relationship before you’ve even started to actually date. Remember: competition is a built in part of dating. Embrace it, and play to win. 😀

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[logjam25]

Thanks April. She broke up with her boyfriend a little over a week ago. I figured that would be a good thing for me, and we have still been hanging out about once a week. The only problem now is, we were flirting around last night and she told me that she thought we were just friends since she just got out of a serious relationship. She also said she wasn’t ready to start up anything after just ending that. So I almost feel like she slammed the door shut right there. I’m not sure if she meant friends for now, or friends all together. We still flirt around and I was hoping she broke up with her boyfriend because things were going good with me, but it doesn’t seem that way now. She says she likes hanging out with me, but I’m just not sure. Either she needs some single time, or she is just not interested. I don’t really want to invest my time and effort into something that won’t work out. I told her that i respect that she just got out of a relationship, but in the same sense, I don’t want to wait around on her either. What is your take on this? Should I just let it go, be her friend only, or try to go out with her and get some affection and see what happens? I want to know how she feels about me in the future but I hate to ask her about it. I could ask her best friend to get some info, but I’m sure she would tell her that I was asking about it.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

My advice is that you not be so available to her. Nice guys finish last, and if you’re always there, being the nice guy she can count on, she’s going to take you for granted. If you’re more of a rare commodity, in other words, you’re someone who’s busy, got his own life that’s successful, and whom other women find attractive, chance are she’s going to realize she should accept a date if you ask her out. So be scarce, live well, and make her want you. 😉

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