[dave08]

Back History:
I known her in high school (didn’t have a clear friendship) and just started college with her.
She knows that I am a virgin and never had a relationship before. (unsignificant but necessary to say)

I have this girl that I have been talking to everyday for just about a week now. Lets call her Jill. It this span of this week we have texted everyday, and have seen each other just about everyday. I came over one night to talk to her. We both found a lot out about each other. She was saying stuff about her past relationships and stated that she was not looking for a relationship at that time. I began to like her and she noticed after a few days, never said anything to me, but to one of my friends that is a girl. Kallie

Friday:
She then had a party at her apartment with 6 people me included… It was her first time drinken and one of my friends who has known her for longer than me got her drunk… I was the same. We didn’t do anything, but this is what she texted me when i left with my buddies, had to get a ride home you know… I’m sorry for not making a move on you, I just need a friend right now. Then I was told by my friend (the one that I need to show her that I care for her, because that is what she really needed…

Saturday:
That morning we started texting and I asked her out for lunch, my treat for being a champ (she drank 4 shots in four mins last night.) She said she would but later… When she was getting hungery she texted me and kallie. She is starting to become friends with Kallie. Anyway we go out for Mexican… Kallie likes to talk a lot so it seemed like I was on the side lines, still had a good time.. Went back home, and they did the same because they wanted to drink again that night. They needed to take a nap… I get a text from Jill to come over. I texted back coming now. She told me to come take a nap with her, and she was to be blunt with me. I got over there quickly… I went to her room and laid by her… Didnt snuggle at first because we were facing each other. She then turned over. I then put my arm around her… We slept for some while, and later before we needed to wake up I gave her a back rub… Then after this very nice and relaxing moment I had to go get a few things for her… About a hour later I came back for the party as it was starting. The whole night I drank again, not as much as before, her too. The thing is that we didn’t talk at all, so I knew something was up. Well this is where relationships suck, when everyone was outside or something besides us two we talked…

She started to say that today was nice but that she isnt looking for a relationship right now… She said she is still in love with her ex-boyfriend that took her virginity, and that it wouldn’t be fair to me. Also she said that it would be ok if she had felt something for me… She sayed its going to be a while for her to get over her ex boyfriend. This devastated me because we took a nap together, and that lead me to believe that she liked me too. I felt happy for the first time in a long while and then like shit again. We are still friends.

Today:
We texted today a little, she left to see one of her friends… I told her to drive safely… In the morning, she texted me that she was sorry. I said I was fine with it all, when I really ain’t. She texted me again later in the day to see what i was going. Stuff like that… She said she had to study when she got back, and that i could quiz her if i wanted. I agreed but later she said she wanted to be alone because she was mad. hers the convo

last convo:

Jill: Hey im back. I just want to be alone tonight. Im pissed
me:k, what’s wrong…
jill: my parents and i are fighting…
Me: oic, i hate when my parents an me fight too…, but u jus remember they are ypur parents, and they are trying to look after you.
me: well, I hope you start to feel better.
Jill: i hope so too. Thanks for caring daniel. Your a good guy.
me: no problem

I need to know what to do? I never been good friends with a girl, but when you like her at the same time it is hard to be just friends. Should I try to be a really good friend, and wait until she is ready. Should I look for someone else because it isn’t going any farther. I dont know what to do…

[kai]

I notice that you have placed your question in the forum for Guest Writers and Advice Column Contributors.

[b]This is not in the forum where April answers readers questions. [/b]

If you want to get a response from April, please repost your question in the proper forum, the Q & A Advice Forum:
https://www.askapril.com/forums/viewforum.php?f=1

[ms1977]

I’ve been in your shoes and it’s not much fun.

In my case, I decided the friendship and having her be a permanent part of my life were more important than romantic involvement and losing her forever if it didn’t work out.

It was rough; a lot of hurt feelings, confusion and jealousy to contend with, but she is still my very best friend to this day (this November, it will be 12yrs) – my soulmate.

My advice to you is to figure out important this girl is to you; imagine far into the future. If you can see her there, then keep going as you are now. It won’t be easy and you may not end up together, but you may discover an unbreakable bond with her and she with you.

[Kuen]

Will prevent you both from feeling awkward, and give everyone the space and maybe in the future you meet again and that time she’s ready for a relationship.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you. 😉

[Natalie Noah]

Your feelings for Jill are deep and genuine, and it makes sense why you’re feeling both hope and hurt. You’ve spent a lot of time with her in a short span, building a connection that included intimacy, conversation, and shared experiences. It’s completely natural to interpret those moments as signs of romantic potential. At the same time, she’s been very clear about where she stands she’s still attached to her past relationship, not looking for something new, and wants to focus on herself for now. That reality is painful, especially when your emotions are invested, but it’s important to honor her boundaries and her honesty.

At this stage, the healthiest path is to focus on being a supportive friend while also protecting your own emotional well-being. You can show her that you care like you’ve been doing with thoughtful messages and listening but without expecting that it will automatically evolve into a romantic relationship. Trying to push for more while she isn’t ready could damage both your friendship and your own sense of self-worth. This period can also be a time for you to reflect on what you truly want in a relationship, and what kind of partner will reciprocate your feelings fully.

It’s also worth considering your own limits. If being around her while she’s still emotionally tied to someone else becomes too painful, it’s okay to take a step back to create some space. This doesn’t mean ending the friendship forever, but it allows you to stabilize your feelings and avoid heartache from unmet expectations. In the long run, being patient, maintaining respect for her boundaries, and keeping communication honest will help you build either a stronger friendship or, eventually, the foundation for a potential romantic connection if the timing becomes right. Your emotions are valid, but balancing them with clear boundaries is key.

[Althea]

For me, this is the best time to comfort her since she’s going through a breakup and trying to move on. This might actually help her heal faster.
Just keep showing her that you care for her, and that you are a better man than her ex, etc. In short, start courting her. Take it step by step. Tell her you’re not in a rush and just let her feel your presence and your interest in her.

[Member]

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