[Ask April Masini]

I hope you don’t lash out at me for saying this, but it sounds like you’re more interested in being righteous than you are in getting a guy. 😳 You’re talking about everything you’re doing right — that isn’t working — which is why I suggested you read [b]Think & Date Like A Man[/b], so that you’d really understand what works and what doesn’t work. I’m not sure if you just told me you bought it, but didn’t, or if you bought it, but didn’t read it, or if you bought it, read it and decided it wasn’t your cup of tea — but if you haven’t already, I think you should read it….. when you’re ready. Also, read over this advice thread, and see where you’re defensive or posturing instead of being open to making some changes. Because when what you’re doing isn’t working, you can either keep doing it and get angry, which is what seems to be happening, or you can decide to change your behavior in an attempt to get what you want. 😀

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[jazmin]

Goodness no, I would not lash out at you. I appreciate your candor and would not expect anything less.

Indeed, I am a bit peeved at him. Everyone with whom I work, as well as my friends, know that I expect them to be straightforward, honest and sincere with me, regardless of the subject matter. He, on the other hand, chooses to annoy the living daylights out of me by not doing so. If he does not want a relationship, fine. If he wants to tell me off, I won’t hold it against him either. If he has been scorned by his divorce, I understand that too. All I want is to know where I stand!

I did read your book. So, when I said that my outfit will make him squirm, it was in a literal and not vengeful sense. The week before last, I wore a silk off-the-shoulder blouse and dress pants along with pair of stilettos. He was not able to look at me once. Instead, whenever he walked by me, he would not brush, but bump my chair. In fact, I was so pressed up against the table that I was surprised that I could actually breathe! My co-workers are as perplexed with his behavior as I am. In fact, they were all wondering why he was, for a lack of a better term, assaulting me. Being the way that I am, I explained that he was nervous and overwhelmed and most likely did not realize what he was doing. I know, it’s lame, but he really is a great guy — and a good worker too — and he’s starting to get a bad rep from my team, which he does not deserve. Also, if you want a good laugh, he tripped over my foot!

I typically get what I want and fight for it, long and hard. So, I’ll give him another chance next week and take it from there.

Thanks again,

Jaz

[Ask April Masini]

One of the important points in the book is that [i]dating is a numbers game[/i] — so don’t just focus on one guy! 😀 If you focus on others, too, you improve your numerical chances of finding Mr. Right, and you’re not focusing all your energy on someone who’s not responding timely (or at all).

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[jazmin]

I could not agree with you any more!

After much thought, I chose not to wear anything that would appeal to him. Just wore a ivory cashmere turtleneck, a pair of dressy skinny pants, and, the “piece de resistance” my 4.5-inch heel boots. I also made a point of completely ignoring him, not making any eye contact with him, and reading the news and responding to emails on my smartphone. He just is no longer worth the effort.

He noticed and was quite upset. So, he once again bumped into my chair 8 times and continually made reference to the suggestions that I had provided him. He also try to engage in a discussion that I had no interest to be part of in view of all that has transpired. As this was a rather lengthy meeting, he suggested that we take a 15-minute coffee break. As we are both smokers and there is only one designated smoking area, I figured, why not, I will join him and strike up a conversation about the project. Apparently, I think too much out of the box and I do not know how to do my job! No, I am not joking. I, the one who approves the proposal and the one who is responsible for its execution, am an imbecile. I don’t know why he lashed out at me in such a matter, but whatever the reason, it was neither the time nor the place to tell him off. He kindly waited for me to finish my cigarette, opened all four doors for me (perhaps in fear that I would have slammed them on him 😉 ), and wanted to take the elevator. Apparently, women have not mastered walkung in heels! Anywway, I quickly disspelled that myth by running up three flights of stairs!

After the meeting ended, he asked me to submit my findings to him a week before he would require the data, because it suits his schedule. Remember ultimately it is my rear on the line if deadlines are not me. So, I told him that I would do the best that I could. After all, if my work is not deemed suitable to him, why does he need it in such a rush!

Since he has become a know-it-all and has never managed to hold an upper-level management position (most likely due to his status quo nature), I proposed that he take on a project overseas with one of our partner firms; no one wanted to go because of family and time commitments. My colleagues agreed and ultimately so did he. As per his colleagues, his ego was far too much handle and they too needed a break from him.

In retrospect, he never came across as pompous towards me for he knew that I have no tolerance and appreciation for such people. He made every effort possible to fit me in his schedule and to see me. However, I am more than a piece of eye candy, I ama person as are all women. Although I will perhaps never know why he chose not to ask me out, I believe that it came down to a question of stature. I am more successful and have earned much recognition for my work, more than he will ever achieve. Henxe, this is where I strongly believe that he failed as a man. Instead of seeing the possibility of building a great personal and professional relationship, he would rather be with a woman that he can continually impress and educate.

He is leaving the country at the end of May and will return in August. I guess his coworkers and I will be having a party! But what still ceases to perplex me, is that every single aspect of his body language screams I want her, yet he never thought of giving us a chance.

Thanks again,

Jaz

[Ask April Masini]

Time for you to move on. 😉

Dating is a numbers game…. 😀 😀

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[Ethan Morales]

It’s clear that there’s a strong mutual attraction, but the work environment is complicating things. Both of you are navigating a mix of professional roles and personal curiosity, which naturally amplifies nervousness and miscommunication. His “hot and cold” behaviour is likely a mix of genuine attraction and the difficulty of expressing romantic interest in a setting where boundaries must be maintained.

His nervousness, fumbling, and repeated attempts at eye contact signal that he is intrigued by her, but also cautious. Men often mirror what they sense from a woman if she seems approachable yet unattainable, they get nervous, make mistakes, and sometimes retreat before advancing. His avoidance during meetings is probably not disinterest but rather a combination of shyness and fear of overstepping professional boundaries.

Jazmin’s approach so far flirting subtly but professionally, letting him take the lead for initiating personal interactions, and maintaining her independence, is aligned with Masini’s advice. She’s projecting confidence, warmth, and approachability, which are key traits men find irresistible, especially in a professional context where power dynamics exist. Overdoing attention or chasing him could risk making him uncomfortable or less likely to act.

The “hot and cold” dynamics are actually common when two people like each other but are constrained by circumstances. Jazmin’s observation that he bumps into chairs, winks, or flirts in subtle ways shows he’s testing the waters while trying not to cross a line. The key is patience: allow him to initiate the first real, non-work interaction, while she continues to show her engaging, fun side casually.

She’s also mindful of her self-respect, boundaries, and maintaining her professional image, which is crucial. Men are often drawn to women who have their own lives, are desired by others, and don’t overly prioritise them. By balancing charm with independence, Jazmin is creating an environment where he has to make a conscious effort to pursue her, which increases attraction.

The overall takeaway is that Jazmin is in a delicate but promising situation. She should continue to focus on her own life and projects, flirt lightly in ways that feel natural, and give him space to step up. Pressuring him, questioning his behaviour, or overanalysing his gestures will likely backfire. The goal is to let him act on his interest while she remains confident and engaged a combination that maximises the chance of a real connection.

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