[DAML]

Hello, I’m 30 years old women, confident and secure. I now I’m pretty and I know I deserve someone who look beyond my beauty and into my values and personality. As I know that I’m a attractive person (I hope this isnt sounding like a huge ego, here I go with my point) I use that in my behalf, I never get nervious around people, I am really charismatic, I laugh, every time I meet new people I never get shy or anything, even if is someone I like. Until a few months ago,

I meet this guy on a dating app, we started talking and I didn’t give him any importance, I was just killing time by talking with a lot of guys about random stuff without any intentions to meet any of them, so, this guy an I started a random conversation and he seems to like the same thing that I like, so he asked for my number and we started talking on whastapp for about 4 days, he lives in another country but his family lives in mine so he keeps coming every other time so see his relatives and stuff… So the text conversation was great we talked for hours and we agree to see each other before he went home. This is a guy that in text seemed to be really respectfull and caring and loving with his family and I really liked that part, (I even told him that before I knew him) so I said is just a date with a nice guy).

So the day arrives, and I felt this impetous need to look beyond beautiful, like “what am I going to wear?” kind of situation (again, never happens)… He pick me up, I get in the car and oh my, this is like the most good looking guy to my eyes… He was the perfect recreation of what I’ve always wanted and never ended up with (my ex couples were attracted to me, but this is a new level), so I said to myself “is just another handsome guy” and we went to have dinner,

We talked for about 3 hours, we shared interest, we have the same education, he was such a gentlement, we had the same opinions about life experience, it was just great… and during the whole date, I was NERVIOUS AS F*** I mean, I was sweating, I was hot like in the Bahamas, I was hoping the night to never end because I was having the best of times. It was the best date ever! I was so interested in what he was saying that I found myself looking directly at him like an idiot and for a moment I though “ok don’t be so obvoius”, and the best part is thet he has also really into me.

So, as he is a gentlement (and I’m a lady) he left me home, we talked a few more days and then he returned to his country…. a few more days without knowing each other… we talked for about 2 days and then a week, two weeks… nothing… And I said, well to good to be true… and THEN, a message, his phone was broken and he could find a new one or how to fix the current so he apologize for being absent during that time, sent me a link to a page relative to something we talked I like, and we started chatting again, almost everyday. That was about one month ago.

He told me a few days ago that he had good news, he’s visit my country again in a couple of months so we’ll se each others again in that opportunity! and also he’s helping me with a personal project (giving me advices and stuff) and everytime we talked about it he says “when I arrive to the country we can do this or that” I mean he is setting plans for that date.

Also he is really a gentleman, we have talked about our past relationships, we has not told me that he likes me directly but at chances he said somethings like “a beutifull intelligent women like you” etc. and he shows very caring about me.

So, where’s the deal: I know for sure that I’m getting really exicetd about this guy, and that’s scary, I try not to let my imagination fly away because I already feel like going to a store a picking a wedding dress, BUT can someone understand that in my 30s this had never happened to me? I’ve had relationships of course, I’ve been in love before, but this is like the guy I have always dreamed packaged and given to me, and scares me out. Is not like to good to be true?

I never ever get nervious, I’ve never feel afraid to look into someone eyes, I never feel intimidated about someone, but this has gone beyond, I really like what I know about him, and he seems to like me back. Any advices? To hold my horses maybe?

Thanks for reading this long post, I needed to get it out of my system.

[DAML]

Please apologize my english as it is not my first language, I have read the post again and found a lot of mistakes about grammar. I hope you can get the idea of what I was trying to explain.

Thanks again!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I guess it’s time for a reality check. You had one great date and that’s awesome. But…. he’s living in another country. And, he hasn’t asked you out on a second date. 😕 And probably won’t for a few months.

It’s easy to get excited over possibility and potential, but my advice is to understand that you don’t know him that well yet. Hold off on the wedding gown shopping for now. 🙂 Stay busy and play the field. If you go on a second date, take it from there. And remember, in an in-town relationship, you should use the first three months of dating to decide if you even want to continue dating someone. This is long distance, so that amount of time is longer. Be patient. Be upbeat. And be realistic. 😉

[DAML]

Thanks April, I have been trying to be busy, in fact I have more projects that I have ever been: I’m studing 2 carrers, taking pilates class 2 times a week, and also I’m learnign about some design softwares because I want to initiate my own bussiness. Suddenly I have this need to be busy all the time and by myself, my ex bf of 5 years broke up with me on May last year because another woman (rebound of course). I’ve been living my new single status with a lot of friends and plans BUT I’m just learning to have my own plans, my own rutine and just do things on my own. It’s funny because even I like him sooooo much, I can find a balance and just “keep it cool”. I either get over excited by a message from him or I get down because it’s to good to be true and well… reality check.

I think I don’t want to get over excited because everything is possible, we can meet each other again and it could be awesome or not… Also even i like him I’m afraid to develop feellings for someone new… this is a crush, I’m not in love, I know that. and scares me a lot to be in love again (with anyone) because last time, well it was not easy to get out the pain this last relationship left me.

So, even I’m excited I feel like I’m also keeping it safe by choosing to have a crush on someone geographic unavailable….

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re smart, I can tell — but sometimes smart people forget the facts when it comes to emotions. One date does not equal a wedding dress. Keep that logic in mind while you’re living your life. 🙂

[DAML]

I will take your advice, and don’t worry, the wedding dress is just a way to make the story funnier, I’m not buying any dress yet haha.

Thanks!!!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Sounds good! 😀

[Sally]

When you’re usually calm and confident, feeling nervous like this can feel almost scary, like you’re not in control of yourself anymore. But honestly? Nothing about what you described sounds wrong or fake. It sounds like chemistry mixed with timing and curiosity.

Sometimes one person hits a very specific combination you didn’t even know you were waiting for. That doesn’t mean he’s “the one” yet. It just means your body and heart are paying attention. Nerves don’t always mean danger. Sometimes they mean possibility.

The long-distance part matters though. You only really know who someone is once life shows up, not just great dates and great conversations. So yeah, hold your horses a little. Enjoy the excitement without building the future in your head yet.
Let him show you who he is when he comes back. Stay present. You don’t need to run from the feeling just don’t let it run you.

[Serena Vale]

You had one amazing date. That doesn’t make you crazy, it makes you human. Chemistry can hit hard, especially when you weren’t looking for it. But chemistry is just the spark, not the proof.

Right now, this is potential, not reality. He lives in another country, you’ve had one date, and everything else is conversation and imagination filling in the gaps. That’s where excitement turns into anxiety.

So here’s what you do:
Enjoy the crush, but don’t build a future in your head yet. Keep your life full like you’re already doing. Let him show up consistently, not just with words, but with actions. If he comes back and follows through, great. If not, you haven’t lost yourself in the process.

Strong women don’t shut feelings down, they pace them.

And remember: the right man won’t leave you guessing for months.

— Ask April

[Tara]

You’re not in love you’re intoxicated by fantasy, scarcity, and your own projection. This isn’t destiny. It’s dopamine wearing a tuxedo.
You met a highly attractive, emotionally competent, geographically unavailable man who mirrors your values just enough to let your imagination do the rest of the work. You’ve seen him once. Once. Everything else you’re reacting to is anticipation, not reality. Your nerves aren’t some mystical sign they’re your nervous system short-circuiting because this man hit every unchecked box you’ve been hoarding for years. That doesn’t make him “the one.” It makes him a trigger.

Let’s dismantle the illusion. He hasn’t declared feelings. He hasn’t pursued you aggressively. He hasn’t closed distance. He hasn’t defined anything. He’s polite, charming, consistent enough to keep you engaged, and conveniently unavailable enough to stay idealized. That’s not romance that’s a perfectly preserved pedestal. You’re calm with other men because you see them clearly. You’re rattled by him because you don’t.

The wedding-dress thoughts aren’t romantic they’re a warning sign that you’re abandoning your usual grounded judgment because you like how this fantasy makes you feel about yourself. You’re not scared because he’s special. You’re scared because you’re already emotionally ahead of the facts, and on some level you know it.

So yes, hold your horses not gently, violently. Pull your imagination back on a leash. Until a man is consistently present, emotionally explicit, and physically available, he is not a prize he’s a question mark. Enjoy the connection, but stop writing vows in your head for someone who hasn’t even shown up yet.

[Nick Roy]

AskApril, I’ve read a lot of your advice and I know you’re very practical, but I have to say that being nervous and feeling like butterflies is the spiciest part of life.
Don’t suppress this feeling, but enjoy it. That nervousness is not fear, that is sexual tension and attraction
April, you’re also right that it’s too early to think about a wedding dress on just one date.
Since this is a long-distance relationship, give it some time.

[Member]

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