[vicky124]

April, How are you?

I’m going to attempt to make this short and sweet, because in reality I’m not going off much here – which is why I’m in this predicament in the first place. This man isn’t giving effort.

Background: Met at my cousins 30th, he is good friends with her husband. He lives in DC (successful lawyer, but doesn’t have a car) I lve in another city about an hour away. We’ve been talking for 3 months, only hanging out 6 or 7 times. Most of those times, it’s me coming to him because me already being in DC for another reason. He contacts me everyday, but can go a while to ask to hang out. After the most recent time we’ve hung out – I asked well whats your week looking like? He went into detail that it’s a stressful time for his job and he’s studying for a test but “we will figure it out” “i can visit you after my test”

Feels like excuses, because it is. I’m not stupid. I know what you will say (probably throw in a cute emoji!) this guy is clearly not into me.

I’m at a cross road. Should I just ignore his texts and do the fade away? Confront him and say the “hey, this past few months have been fun but I’m looking for more than where things seems to be going”, or try and fix by saying “i need more from you” blah blah blah. HELP! What’s the best way to end something with someone you never really had something with? Or if possible (which is unlikely) what’s the best way to knock some sense in a man?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re in the friend zone. My advice is that you don’t get in there in the first place — but now that you are, you have to find a way to get out. Here are some tips: 1. Don’t hang out. If you want to a girlfriend, then you have to act like one. If he invites you on a date, go. If he doesn’t, decline. 2. Don’t contact him, let him do the chasing, instead. 3. And when he does — make sure your part in the dynamic is flirtatious, so that he knows what it is you’re interested in. If you act like his buddy, except him to treat you like one.

Hope that helps!

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[vicky124]

Ek, maybe my attempt to be short a left out big details.

We kissed after we met for the first time, always high chemistry, and after the 4th or 5th date we slept together and always sleep together when we hang out now.

I think it’s more so how to get him to put in the effort to see me and view me as a girlfriend, which could be the same advise but worth mentioning that there is high levels of passion going on

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Ah, got it. 😉 So, you think you’re in a bit of a rut because after three months, you’re having a weekend, minor-distance relationship that seems more like hanging out than dating, and you want to dial up his commitment. Did I get that right?

Clearly, you have a hand in this, and to get him to change his behavior, you have to first change yours. 😉 You can be less available, not answer calls, texts and emails as often. Make the visits shorter, be busy, and basically give him something to chase after, so you’re not too available and like a less than rare commodity, depreciated. The principle of economics holds true. Something or someone who is too available becomes cheap and something that is more rare, becomes expensive and sought after. Consider how you can use that principle in your real life. 😉

Also consider my rule of thumb — after three months you should consider whether or not you want to continue dating someone, and after six months, whether or not you want to be monogamous. Up until then, you should be playing the field so you’re keeping your options open, and so that you’re truly not all that available. 😉

Hope that helps.

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

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