[Emily8]

My man tracks my cell phone calls, location, and text messages. How can I get him to trust me? I love my man very much. We started dating about eight months ago. At that time I was separated from my husband and he already had a girlfriend for about 10 years. I legally divorced my husband so that I can be with this man. We started sleeping together at the workplace after he gave me some advice about a difficult situation. I gave him permission to be able to use And install a cell phone monitoring device to track everything on my phone so he can learn to trust me. Since we have been together I have messed up with a few things by lying about some serious stuff and I know that, however, he still loves his current girlfriend while he’s dating me and I want him to make a decision. He keeps telling me how much he loves me and that we have a magical connection and he also wants to date for a little while before he gets married. I’m trying very hard especially since he’s tracking cell phone to be honest and tell the truth about everything. how can I get him to trust me? I deserve him and he deserves me and I need him to make a decision and leave his girlfriend once and for all for me? I’m in love with him deeply and said he can see a future with me and I know I can see one with him at times but I feel frustrated and confused.

[AskApril Masini]

You’re frustrated because you want your boyfriend of eight months to be someone he isn’t and never was. 🙁 A lot of times women will write in to this forum and say they’re confused because they hope that they can convince themselves that confusion is the reason for their disappointment, but the hard to hear truth is that they just don’t want to face what’s really going on. I think it’s time for you to do that. 😉

The biggest problem here began because [b]you[/b] are the one who gave him permission to install a tracking and monitoring device on your phone. 😯 That’s not normal in adult relationships. This is what parents do with teenagers that they don’t trust. It’s what the criminal system does with parolees they don’t trust. It’s not what two adults in a healthy relationship do. You established and enabled a relationship based on dysfunction the second you did this.

You also write that you need him to make a decision to leave his long-term girlfriend who he was dating before you two met, before you two began dating, while the two of you have been dating, and who he says he still loves. And while [b]you[/b] may [i]need[/i] him to make a decision to leave her for you, [b]he[/b] doesn’t need to or want to.

It’s time for you to wake up and smell the coffee — this isn’t about him. It’s about you. If you want a man to be committed and monogamous and trusting, then you have to choose someone with those characteristics, and be someone who attracts that type of person. There is no quick fix for this problem because you chose a man with a girlfriend he loved and still does love, and after eight months of dating, he’s still with her and loving her, even if he does love and date you, too. He will never be the person you want him to be. He is who he is, and you should consider facing that fact instead of pretending to be confused when he doesn’t do what you want him to. That will just lead to more and deeper frustration and disappointment. This is like buying a Fiat and hoping it will become a Range Rover. You can buy it Range Rover tires, and park it in an oversized vehicle spot, but it’s still going to be a Fiat, and the more you hope it will be an oversized vehicle, the more frustrated you will get. He’s not the guy you want him to be. Never was. Never will be. This is all about [b][u]your[/u][/b] choices.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go and if you have any other questions.

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