[dana9012]

Hey April, 6 months ago, I met this guy. He is 40 and I’m 27. I know the age gap is big, but we are really compatible on every level. He told me he was married for 8 years but had been separated from his wife for a few months now.
Anyways, he swore to never go back to her, as he not only never loved her, but she made his life miserable before and after the seperation. I know he loves me very much, and I do too. We are both here in a foreign country , he is fully supporting me, financially and otherwise until I get a job. We have fun together, he is loyal, and always comes to me for advice and whenever he is having any problems.
Things were ok until a couple of days ago when he went to pick up his daughters from her house. she insisted to speak to him, got into his car and explained to him that she dropped off the divorce charges, still loved him and wanted to get back together. That came from a woman who just the other day was screaming and swearing at him, stalking him at his place of work and demanding divorce. When we discussed it further that night , he told me that he was confused, and that although he hated her, if she changes, he would still sacrifice me, his job, his family and everything on earth just for his kids to live with their parents.
So now I don’t know whether break up with him just cause there is a slight chance he might get back with her, or stay. I thought about taking a break, but I don’t know how we can do that when we both live together. And I have no where to go. I don’t wanna give up on him and he begged me not to. What should I do?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Got it. So, you started dating your boyfriend six months ago, while he was living with his wife, and then a few months ago, he separated from her and moved in with you — into a place that he is paying for. Now, however, you’re fearful that he’ll get back together with his wife and you’re reluctant to break up with him because he’s supporting you and you don’t want to lose the set up he’s providing.

You’ve put yourself in a tough spot. Simply dating a married guy reduces your odds of things working out, considerably. There’s plenty of dating competition normally, but choosing a man who already has a wife and kids doesn’t give you the upper hand. And this guy isn’t even divorcing. He’s just trying out separation. So that’s gotta be tough for you. The other problem you have besides competition from his wife, is your own career and money problems. I know you want to stay with him because he’s paying for things, but it’s not a great position for you to be in. When you stay with someone for financial reasons — especially after only six months of dating — your romantic decisions aren’t clear. When married couples stay together because of retirement plans, real estate or kids, that’s a lot different than you not wanting to leave a six month relationship because you don’t want to give up his financial support. Why not get a job? Or roommates? Or move back with family until you can get on your feet. Since you’re 27, I bet you’ve had jobs before and you can get them again. 😉

Bottom line: Your fear is grounded reality. In other words, it’s valid. He probably will get back together with his wife, and if he doesn’t, I don’t think you’ll be his last girlfriend. 🙁 I’m sorry that this probably isn’t what you wanted to hear, but the best thing you can do is trust your instincts and work on being independent.

I hope that helps!

[Member]

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