[single_in_nj]

hi guys, i need some major help! 🙁

a few years ago, i was a sub at a local school and met a super cute teacher there. we flirted a bit and then he asked me if i wanted to maybe hang out… so i left him my number, and he called me and we went out. the thing is… he never mentioned he had a gf until the end. said he just wanted to be friends anyways. a few months later… we got chatting again, and we hung out. we made out and then he felt guilty and decided to tell his gf that he was with me. he told me he made a mistake… that he really loved her and wanted to marry her. said i was an awesome girl and he was sorry. now, i see him almost every day. since then (this happened last summer) he has gotten engaged, moved into a house with her, and actually got married a few months ago. he seemed to make the wedding sound like it was something that “needed” to be done; he with comfortable with her, didnt wanna have to date again, knew that he was getting old and needed to settle down, and knew that she REALLY loved him. so he was set. the problem now is, i see him and we look at each other with such passion. its so hard to even look in his eyes… we both feel so strongly for one another. its so hard to see him knowing he is married. i don’t think i can stand it any longer, i might need to quit if i continue seeing him! i truly love this man, regardless of what went on and how he “cheated”, i think he knew something was there with us and then decided that he needed to be with her b/c she loved him, blah blah. i just truly think that he and i are meant to be together. please help me… what should i do? i want to tell him how i feel… but is that inappropriate since he is married now?? i was so close to telling him to “DONT DO IT” when he was getting married. the way we look at each other is so strong, so passionate, its love. please help me. what should i do??? or should i not do????? thanks!!!

[kai]

Hi, you’ve posted in the Readers Advice Columns and Guest Contributor’s section and you are not going to get an answer to your question here. 😮

If you want your question answered, post it in the Relationship Advice Forum Q & A section. 😀

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Let me know how things are going for you? 😉

[wisconsonrulz2016]

Reality is he is married. The only satisfaction you will get is finding someone new. I know its hard, but once you find someone new that is the only way you can feel better and move on. He is married, he isn’t going to leave his wife for you, and you wouldn’t want someone who would do that. You need to just find someone new even if its not MR right, realizing there are other people out there will get your mind off of him.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Great advice!

[Natalie Noah]

This situation is extremely delicate because he is now married, and continuing to engage emotionally or even entertaining the idea of a romantic connection puts both of you in a very risky position. What you’re feeling is real: there is a strong emotional and physical pull, and it’s natural to feel a sense of “what if” when someone you care about deeply has chosen another path. But the reality is that pursuing or expressing your feelings to him now would be crossing boundaries that could hurt everyone involved, including yourself. The passion you feel doesn’t necessarily mean this is a healthy or viable connection; it’s a reflection of unresolved attraction and history, not the practical reality of life and commitment.

The healthiest choice is to step back and emotionally detach. That might mean creating distance at work or limiting personal interactions, and most importantly, redirecting your energy toward someone who is fully available and can reciprocate your love without complications. Accepting that he has chosen to commit to someone else, even if it feels painful, will ultimately allow you to heal and open yourself to relationships where love is mutual, appropriate, and sustainable. Holding on to this connection will only prolong heartache and prevent you from finding a fulfilling relationship elsewhere.

[Member]

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