[TallGirl]

I have been ‘online’ dating for nearly 6 months and met some nice guys; however none of them want to move things forward. Some appeared insecure and with others there was no chemistry at all.

Recently, I met this guy online who was very keen in his messages, he even considered me as a female version of himself; he replied instantly to my messages, with lengthy emails and seemed mega keen. I initiated the first date, as he didn’t know how to play the online dating game and was only online for two weeks prior to my message. Our date was his first.

His story was that he was married until 8 years ago; however she had an affair with his friend and has been single since.

He was looking forward to our date and explained that he was keen and nervous to meet me. The first date was amazing, he was more handsome than his profile photos and was really accomplished career wise. He was very forward and was a gentlemen to drop me home too. He then asked whether in the future we communicate via the online site or text etc. but he was keen to see me after this weekend (just gone). And as it was a Bank Holiday, I politely text him on Friday to say have a good weekend, but he didn’t reply until Sunday explaining as he was busy. I replied to this text on Sunday and I haven’t heard back since. My text back to him was a closed message, meaning that I didn’t ask him anything specifically in my reply, so that could be the reason for no response (but I could just be reading too much into it).

This was annoying, as online, he was more forthcoming with his replies. But he did ask me in the car that he’d contact me this week about meeting up again! However, as I said, he has not replied to my text and has since deleted his online dating account.

I didn’t know what to do and how to play this, as I did really like him. I know we met just the once, but I am getting perplexed by how men think.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Never ask a guy out on a date. The reason is because 1) You’ve taken the opportunity for him to chase after you, away from him. Guys love the chase, and when you deprive him of this, you’ve diminished the payoff for him to date you. 2) You don’t get an opportunity to find out how he feels about you — or at the very least, you delay it.

Your guy doesn’t like you enough to date you. If he was into you, he’d ask you out. It’s often hard for women to understand this when the guy is polite and there’s a good time had — but the bottom line is that even nice guys who like you may not like you enough to date you. That’s what’s going on here. And they say things to get themselves out of the situation without conflict, like, “I’ll call you.”

My advice is to move on. He knows how to reach you if he wants to.

As for wading through the plethora of available men on dating sites, the best advice I can give you is to know yourself, and know what you want in a man. That should eliminate a lot of guys right off the bat. Just because someone is nice and attractive, doesn’t mean they want what you want or are compatible with your goals or with what you bring to the table. It’s very important to be as clear as possible when online dating because there are so very many resources that you could be a serial first-dater forever if you’re not careful!

Hope that helps.

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[Lune David]

This is confusing because the vibe was strong at first, and then it just vanished. That hurts. But when someone really wants to see you again, you don’t have to overthink texts or timing — they make it clear. The silence and disappearing act say more than his early enthusiasm ever did. It’s not about something you did wrong; it’s about him not being ready or willing to follow through. Take the good moment for what it was, and move on. The right person won’t leave you guessing.

[Member]

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