First off, anyone who reads this forum regularly will know that I’m very clear that men and women can’t be friends for the simple reason that one person is always attracted to the other at some point in the relationship and honesty disappears when that happens. When you’re truly friends, you want the best for each other, and in this case, you’re both not doing what’s best for the other person, nor are you being honest, and if you see him dating other women, you’re not going to feel happy for him moving on. So scratch the idea that you are friends or will be in the future. I know that’s difficult to do for many people, but eventually, they come around to seeing it’s true and right — the quicker you do, the easier life will be for you. And you’re right — by keeping him around as a friend or a hook up, you’re keeping yourself from being truly single and you’re passing up opportunities because you’re not really looking, and guys aren’t going to be looking at you the same way, as a result. 😕
Second, you need to take responsibility for your actions. If you “somehow keep falling back into the situation” — meaning you keep hooking up with him — you have to be responsible. You can pretend that this is magically happening. If you want a committed, monogamous relationship that is a traditional dating situation, then you have to stop hooking up. It’s that simple. Don’t make excuses. Use discipline.
Third, I’m guessing that you’re not really playing the field or dating anyone else, so his presence, even if it’s just hooking up, is more attractive than being single and having to find dates. I suggest you consider embracing your single status and starting to play the field, and date outside of the office. If you do that, you won’t be so reliant on his attention to fulfill your emotional and social needs.
I hope that helps!
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