[MoiraBlake]

Im in a 28months long distance relationship now. We’ve just met online. He is from US. And im here in the Philippines. Though he still text me everyday, i feel like he is changing. Our video chat became often and when we do video chat it only took less than 30mins unlike before he can stay for hours talking to me. I understand that he is busy with his work. He doesn’t talk anymore about having plans of visiting me here. (I can’t come visit him in US because of financial and it is very hard to get an approval for Tour Visa) We’re engaged for almost 2yrs now. 2015 when he started to process my Fiancee Visa so i can come to US and we can get married there. But he stopped the Visa processing because of financial issues. And now that he got promoted at work and have all the means to continue the visa processing he never talk about it. Sometimes when i asked about him visiting me or about my visa he will shut me down by telling he is tired from work and he needs to sleep. So i will not brag about it because i get it he doesn’t want to talk about it. He visited me twice and he stayed with me for a month on every visit. He said before he is working hard for our future. He always text me he love me so much everyday. But now even we text for like 5 to 10 mins everyday (not like before he can text for like 3hrs until he fall asleep) it feels like he is just making me feel good that he still texting me. I don’t know what to do anymore. [b]Am i being paranoid that he dont love me now? Or he really still love me he was just working hard for our future? [/b]Thanks hope you could help me.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

He’s lost interest. 😳 Long distance relationships are tough and since you’ve known him for 28 months, but only had two visits (one month, each), that’s really not enough time to get to know each other well enough to get married — and I think that’s what you’re finding out the hard way. He’s making it very clear with his behavior that he doesn’t want to get married to you or continue this relationship in a serious way. My advice is to accept that reality and if you do want to get married, which I think you do, find someone to date who is local. That way you don’t have the financial pressures that long-distance dating brings, and you can get to know them much more easily and much more thoroughly — and much more quickly than in this relationship where you’ve only spent two out of 28 months together! 😉

I’m sorry this is disappointing to you. But it’s best to accept the fact that the relationship is slowly dwindling away and move on so you can go for what you want in life. 😀

[Sally]

Long distance like this can slowly wear you down, especially when promises start to feel quiet.
You’re not paranoid. Something has changed. Not in his words he still says I love you but in his effort. And in long distance, effort is everything. When plans stop being talked about, when hard topics get shut down, when the future goes blurry, that’s what hurts the most.
He might still care about you. He might even love you in his own way. But love that keeps you waiting, unsure, and afraid to ask questions isn’t love that’s moving forward.
You shouldn’t have to protect his sleep by swallowing your fears. You’ve already been patient for years.
At some point, love has to show up as action, not just daily texts. And it’s okay to admit you need more than this.

[Tara]

You’re avoiding because it hurts too much: this relationship is stalled because he’s no longer moving toward you. And love that doesn’t move forward is dying, no matter how many “I love you” texts get sent.

Twenty-eight months of distance. Two years engaged. Visa started, then stopped. Now he’s financially stable, promoted, comfortable, and still doing nothing. That’s not bad timing. That’s a decision. Men act when they want something badly enough. Paperwork, money, exhaustion, those are excuses, not obstacles.

Let’s be clear: texting you every day is the bare minimum. Five minutes of messages is not a commitment. Short video calls are not the future. Saying “I love you” while avoiding conversations about visas, visits, and marriage is emotional sedation; it keeps you calm while nothing changes.

You’re not paranoid. You’re observant. The energy dropped. The effort dropped. The plans disappeared. And every time you bring up the only thing that actually matters, closing the distance, he shuts you down and goes to sleep. That’s avoidance. Loving someone doesn’t make you avoid building a life with them.
He already showed you who he is: a man who visits occasionally, says the right words, and keeps you suspended indefinitely—convenient, low-effort, no pressure. Meanwhile, you’re stuck in another country, putting your life on hold like a loyal placeholder.

Here’s the brutal part: if he truly intended to marry you, the visa would be moving forward right now. Not someday. Not “when work slows down.” Right now. Men don’t get engaged for two years and then forget to follow through unless they’ve emotionally checked out or are comfortable keeping things exactly as they are.

[Member]

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