[Hopeful3674]

I’m Ryan, 23, on my second semester of college, and am able to spend $1,000 a month.
I’ve been on eharmony for nearly 2 years with all hope gone. I continually ran into deadends- I’ve been told to condense my thoughtfulness in my dating profiles, but I’d rather somebody accept me for who I am at face value. Every woman I came across wasn’t fully interested because they perceived me as too deep, from what I have gathered by what people have said. I retained hope while never finding the right person. Now I think it may have finally happened. I’ve talked to a girl who has the same interests and is very intelligent and deep and she’s not turned off when I share philosophical or physics-oriented thoughts. I really like what I’ve gotten to know of her. She seems my kind. The only problem is that I live in Texas and she lives in the northeastern portion of England.
My inquiries: How feasible is a long distance relationship that will not be immediately gratified?
We’d have to talk over the phone or on skype for a long time before meeting for a date because I’m busy with college. I can’t hop over to England any time soon. Is it okay to carry on conversations over the phone/skype for a long time before meeting? And I dread awkward silences where we have nothing to talk about. Is that natural and is there a way out of such a situation if it were to occur? It seems natural that we would run out of things to talk about. I hope not.
But the biggest question is how feasible is such a long distance relationship? I recently talked to a girl friend of mine who was in a very committed long distance relationship with somebody from Germany. It worked out very well for her. I think I’m able to visit every Summer and maybe a few times in between. She has a child and is afraid to be away from her for long periods. Could you forsee something being able to work between two people with such distance between them? I don’t mind eventually relocating to England.

[AskApril Masini]

[quote]My inquiries: How feasible is a long distance relationship that will not be immediately gratified?[/quote]

Long distance relationships are more difficult to sustain than local relationships — especially at your age because men and women are surrounded by more singles now, then you ever will be in your 30s or 40s or older. You’ll meet more single women you might want to date in person, and so will she meet more single men that she might want to date in person. It CAN be done, but it’s more difficult than finding someone you can see weekly because they’re close by. But….. I think you already know this. 😉

[quote]Is it okay to carry on conversations over the phone/skype for a long time before meeting? [/quote]

Yes! Of course! 😀 But again….. I think you already knew the answer to this question without me telling you. 😉

[quote]And I dread awkward silences where we have nothing to talk about. Is that natural and is there a way out of such a situation if it were to occur?[/quote]

If you have nothing to talk about, then you may be trying to force something that’s not there. Consider that if there’s nothing to talk about, you should probably hang up. 😉 One of the problems with long distance relationships is that people have a tendency to commit to them too soon. Normally, dating during the first three months is the time that you get to know the person and decide if this is someone you want to continue investing in. If you can’t date her, but can talk to her on the phone and on Skype, understand that doing so does not (and should not) indicate monogamy. You’re just getting to know her, and you should assume she’s doing the same, as well as dating others.

[quote]Could you forsee something being able to work between two people with such distance between them?[/quote]

Yes, but…. you’re looking for a guarantee, and dating is anything but a guarantee, in fact, dating is a process you should use to decide if you want to continue investing energy and time and money in someone. Or not. Online dating is great as a resource, but it shouldn’t be your only resource. Like I said, you’re at an age, and in a college campus setting, where you’re able to meet more singles, than you ever will again. Don’t snub that opportunity. It’s a great one. Use the online dating system, but don’t live in it, and don’t commit to something that isn’t a sure thing yet. 😉

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