[galannyc]

First let me start by saying thank you for taking the time to answer mine and many other people’s questions or insecurities that require that second opinion.

Here is a little about our backgrounds – i’m 28 and she is 21 – we are both Hispanic she is currently living and studying in a foreign country where she is originally from and where she grew up. I’m living in the US and have been going out with her for 5 months via our long distance relationship and in person. We really hit it off when we met so within 2 months we rushed into proposing to each other (big mistake) but we both recognized that already. Also She will be coming to live with me when she graduates which is in about 2 years from now.
We recently had a fight that lasted about a week and we got back together about 2 days ago. When we got back together she tells me yesterday that she added her ex-boyfriend back on Facebook and that there is nothing going on between them. She said I should trust her and if he tries anything she will erase and block him. Now I wasn’t born yesterday to realize that she still has feelings for him otherwise why would she accept him as friend and tell me what might happen if he TRIES anything. Again this can also be my insecurities but i’ll explain that in a bit. Another part of this story is that her life is GREATLY influenced by her mother and family in general, which is good; but the problem is her mother is a very stubborn and very overprotective lady. I met everyone in her family and even stayed over there with them for 2 weeks. Everyone likes me including her relatives. I have gone to visit her once so far, but I’m planning to go again in February. My concern is now that the mom has a Facebook account and she has even added him as a friend also. According to my girlfriend he is a changed man and he also has a girlfriend. To me that just sound like indirect ways of saying I’m thinking about going back to him”. I understand the history between them but I told her its not healthy for our relationship to have him around. She told me I was insecure; which I admitted to her because in a past relationship my ex became friends again with her ex and they later got back together. I have seen enough Toxic relationships to realize when I’m in one but I truly do love her and want to give her the benefit of the doubt. Should I Continue with this relationship even though her ex-boyfriend seems to be involved with her as friends? Should I even bother when all the signs point that this relationship going nowhere?

NOTE: My concerns is that I will end up more hurt than I already am plus not to mention broke from spending $1,500 each time in airfare and lodging which is about 3-4 times each time a year.

Thanks,

[galannyc]

[b]UPDATE[/b]: OK we are officially not talking via phone or internet..she will refuse to talk because I accused her of talking to him as a sign that she if looking to get back with him..I admit that was wrong of my part but now the only ultimatum she has given me is that I need to be over there with her and live there for a while in order for us to be together. I understand why she would want to test me to see if I truly loved her, (we were engaged and she still has my ring) but I’m not sure it’s something I want to do just yet. It will drastically change me life. Mainly because of financial reason and because I don’t even know what will happened if I go. There I will have no friends or family. If this was maybe an year from now I would risk it since I would be more financially stable to go there.
I don’t know what I’m feeling for her anymore…but part of me is willing to go and make up…
Anyone have any opinions?

[April Mașini, your AskApril]

This isn’t a good relationship for you to be in. 🙁 You and your girlfriend are not compatible, and you jumped the gun by proposing to her after a two month relationship that was partially long distance. She is very young, and at 21 years of age, it is normal for her to want to test the waters and see what life has to offer in — even in terms of men. While this isn’t what you want to know or hear, to ignore the reality is going to plunge you into misery.

Call off the engagement, and understand that the ring you gave her is hers to return or not to return, so don’t make getting the ring back a way of holding on to her. It was a gift. Next, you need to start dating women with whom you are compatible, and if marriage is what you’re interested in, only date other women who are ready to marry — not young women who are planning to spend two years in another country, when you can’t afford the travel costs of a long distance relationship.

You’ve chosen a woman who isn’t right for you, and now you’re trying to make it work, and it’s not a surprise that it isn’t.

Let go, and move on.

[Member]

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