[Yuri]

Hi April, me and my gf are together for 4yrs&2mos. We live in the Philippines. Last Oct 31, she went to Canada. Her mom petitioned her, her sisters & her dad to live there. She’s still not finished w/ her studies here That’s why she’ll come back by 1stweek of May2017. The problem is, since we began a LDR.. I noticed that she changed. She rarely says she misses me. We always end up fighting upon small things & she doubts our relationship. Everytime she doubts me, I’m always the one who tries to fix those issues and assure her that I’ll always do my best for us. After that she’ll be okay and tells me not to cry. Days passed, we fight over a little thing, then suddenly she broughts up her doubts to me EVEN IF IT IS NOT RELATED TO OUR LITTLE FIGHT. Then says that we should break up. She never wants to have mistakes but she makes one & she wants me to fix those. She always wants that I’m the one catching up to her saying sorry and all. She’s sorry but I cant feel the sincerity. Since then, I felt like a lot of things changed between us. We usually chat and videocall every morning and night in her time. We have 13hrs diff in time. I thought that maybe bcos she misses the physical things we do like holdhands, hug, kiss, that’s why she’s being too cold to me coz she can’t feel those things. I cry at night everytime she’s doubting on me. She never learns from her mistakes & never understands me like before. What should I do? I love her so much & I know she loves me too but the things that confuses her makes her not to let me feel that love

Ty,
Yuri

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Long distance relationships are tough — especially when they don’t start out as long distance relationships because you’re used to a certain standard of dating that gets turned upside down when you aren’t in the same area any more. 😳 It’s very difficult to make long distance relationships work because often, one or both people don’t like the absence of dating. They miss having an in town partner, and it sounds like your girlfriend isn’t happy about the distance and is acting out as a result. 😕 I think you need to understand that the distance is taking it’s toll on the relationship. It’s very easy for you to point fingers at her, and for her to point fingers at you — but that’s not productive. You need to step back, get a wider perspective, and understand that it’s not you and it’s not her — it’s the distance that’s the problem. 😕 I know you desperately want this to work, but I think that the distance and the fact that you’re both too young to have jobs that allow you to make enough money to travel and see each other often, makes this relationship and the distance between you, incompatible. 🙁 It’s best to accept this before the two of you take out your frustrations on each other, further. Be happy for what you had, but for now, the distance is too difficult.

[Sally]

Four years together, then suddenly distance, new country, new life that can shake anyone, but it sounds like it shook her harder than she knows how to admit.
What you’re dealing with isn’t love fading. It’s her being overwhelmed and taking it out on the safest person she has: you. When someone starts doubting you over nothing, breaking up during tiny fights, making you fix every mess… that’s not maturity. That’s fear dressed up as control.

And you can’t keep being the one who holds everything together. It’s why you’re crying at night. You’re carrying both your feelings and hers.
If she really loves you, she has to meet you halfway. Not just when she’s calm even when she’s scared or lonely. I’d tell her gently, “I want us, but I can’t be the only one trying.”
Give her the chance to show up. And if she doesn’t… that’s an answer too, even if it hurts.

[Tara]

Your girlfriend checked out. The moment she landed in Canada, she stepped into a new life, new routines, new people, and she’s quietly detaching from the relationship while letting you carry all the emotional weight. You’re not in a long-distance relationship; you’re in a one-sided emotional chase where she gets to play the victim, create drama, and make you beg for stability she no longer wants to give.

Every fight is not about “small things.” It’s about her using anything, absolutely anything, as a trigger to reopen her doubts so she can justify distancing herself without admitting she’s losing interest. That’s why she brings up breakups out of nowhere. That’s why the sincerity is gone. That’s why she only apologizes when you pressure her. She wants out, but she wants you to be the one who falls apart so she doesn’t have to carry the guilt.

You keep thinking she’s cold because she misses physical affection. Wrong. She’s cold because she’s no longer invested. If she loved you the way you love her, she wouldn’t weaponize doubts. She wouldn’t force you to fix everything. She wouldn’t abandon accountability and hide behind your feelings. People don’t treat what they value this way.
You’re crying every night while she gets to decide when she feels like loving you. That is not a relationship. That is emotional starvation.

[Member]

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