[missingyou]

Hey everyone, I have been with my boyfriend for a year and three months. Everything has been great, a couple hiccups here and there. But I have been having dreams about someone I used to be in a sexual relationship with. I did have feelings for him but it never went anywhere. And recently I have been constantly thinking of him, seeing him everywhere, having weird dreams and I feel guilty. I used to see me and my boyfriend being together for a very long time, kids and the whole thing. But no I dont know at all. I see me either single or with my ex-lover. I haven’t really had any communication with him but when we do talk I am completely obsessed with it all. I dont wanna leave my boyfriend because of not wanting to be alone and he lives with me and I don’t wanna do that to him. And I love him. I do I don’t wanna be with out him but at the same time I would like to go and be with the other man. I dont know what to do.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you do write here again, please let me know how old you all are. That always helps!

The first thing you have to realize is that you can’t have both things — your live in boyfriend, and this old boyfriend. The second thing you have to realize is that staying with your current boyfriend solely because you don’t want to be alone, is a bad idea. It’s going to backfire. I think that the dreams of your ex-boyfriend are probably your subconscious waking up this desire to be with someone else or to be the kind of person you were when you were with your ex.

Although you wrote a pretty terse post, I’m guessing that things with your boyfriend have fizzled, and the question is, have they fizzled because your year long relationship moved so fast you didn’t get to know each other that well, or if it fizzled because the two of you are just in a bit of a rut, which happens, normally. You have to ask yourself that question. If it’s the former, then maybe you’re seeing your boyfriend now, for who he really is, and he’s not that interesting to you. Or not that compatible. But if it’s the latter, I’d suggest accepting the valley of emotions and doing things to spice up your relationship and your lives together.

I hope that helps!

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[missingyou]

Sorry, this is my first time posting here. We all are in our early 20s and he was never a boyfriend, just a lover we bolth had feelings for each other we just never said anything to start something , and according to one of his close friends he thinks of it too even now that its been so long. The emotion between me and my boyfriend seems to come and go. I’m constantly thinking of the other guy so I’m always sitting there wondering. My relationship did go really fast and it is hard to see myself with someone else because I’m so comfortable with him, but at the same time I dont see myself with him in the future. Also in most of my dreams it was him trying to come at me and me pushing him away yet I would think yes I want this but no its wrong I’m in a relationship. Me and my boyfriend have also lost alot of communication… In my opinion he always says he doesn’t see what’s wrong and hes happy with everything. Wich makes me feel like I’m making all this up in my head, seeing a problem that’s not there. I’ve always had alot of trouble in relationships and have alot of worries that I’m getting past.

But my main problem is I can’t seem to get the other guy out of my head, I have random thoughts and even think of him when I’m making love with my boyfriend. I kmow its not cheating unless I act upon it but at the same time I feel guilty…. Could it be that me and the other guy never had closer to everything? We just kinda stopped talking after a while…

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Yes, I think you’re right — that not having closure with this ex-lover, coupled with the discontent you’re feeling in your current relationship, are giving you reason to pause. Literally. I don’t think that the dreams you’re having are really about this other guy as much as they are about you looking for an out in the relationship. You seem to be doubting yourself and your self conscious is nudging you.

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[missingyou]

So how do I go about this. My boyfriend had seen the messages between me a friend and got pretty upset its all okay now. But I don’t know if I should seek closure or to just leave it be…..

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You have to decide whether or not you’re interested in ending the relationship and if you are, if you’re ready to do so. I wouldn’t rush into anything, and I would suggest that you really look at why you’re unhappy in the relationship you’re currently in, and if it’s because of something between the two of you, or something that’s just you. If it’s the latter, the decision to leave should be easier. Sometimes people do nothing, and the universe takes care of the rest. The fact that you’re talking by text to a friend, and your boyfriend read the texts has opened up the conversation between the two of you — and while the way it happened could have been more graceful, the fact that it did is an opportunity that you can take of advantage of to learn more about yourself.

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[missingyou]

Okay thank you so much, I’m a firm believer that if its ment to be it’ll happen. I’m going to try and make it work between me and my boyfriend, because I do love him and I do want it too work. We had a serious talk about everything and I’m going to give it some time and if it doesn’t get better in the long run I will probably look else where. I just gate the fact that if we ever did break up he’d have to move out and change our lives again. But like I said if its ment to be it will happen. In the long run though I do want someone to love that ill never get bored of or lose interest and if I do they will help just as much as I do. But thatnk you so much. 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome. 🙂

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