[Diva]

Hello,

I am a 24 yr old girl working. I have a guy ( say X ) in my life, who is 26 also working, and stays in another country.

I know him from school, but actually started talking wuth each other regularly, after my college,about 4 yrs back. At that time we used to chat regularly. He was getting serious about me, but at that time i was coping with my break up with first bf and was busy settling my career. So i was not paying much attention to him. This hurted him and he stopped all contacts with me. As i was busy finding a job so i too didn’t contacted him.

After a 4-5 months when i got a job and was in the initial days of my career, another guy(say Y) came to my life.

This was a very bad relation. A lot of family problems were alsi there. So after 6-7 months with this guy i decided to break up with him. At that very moment mr X reentered my life.And told me why u made another bf. I wanted a relation. Cant u wait for me etc etc. But at that time i realized that leaving mr X was a mistake from my side. He was a good guy.

Then i finally broke up with Y.

Now i am not a virgin. I had sex earlier with my first bf and also with Y. I told X about this thing with my first bf but hidden the fact that i had sex too with Y. Now Y in d verge of anger contacted X and told him this.i too confessed about it to X after that.

This hurted X a lot. After that his feelings for me changed.

Now the thing is he doubts me a lot. As i had made a bf as he stopped contacting me, si he had a fear that this time too i will betray him. So he dont expreses any kind of love or caring for me. But doesn’t want to break up either.

Now a days he doubts me for little things like being online at whats app/ fb. Even if i tell him with whom i am talking to or what i am talking about still he gets angry.i have tried exply to him in every possible ways,but whenever get gets angry he tells bad names for me.

I really don’t know what to do. I dont want to loose him.

We too had sex with each other.i confessed my love for him but he jst dont want to think of any future with me, also dont want to leave me. Please suggest what should i do? I am in a very bad condition emotionally.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m very sorry you’re upset.

It sounds like you’re living in a culture that is a little different in some ways than what’s normal in the United States. That’s okay, I’m just not as familiar with some of what you’re talking about, so fill me in if I misstep. 😉

Normally, it’s none of any guy’s business who you dated or who you slept with prior to him. I’m not sure why you told this guy your sexual history. I mean, I know you felt guilty and wanted to confess so you could feel like you weren’t hiding anything, but it shouldn’t really be something you feel the need to hide. It’s just your personal life.

Next, I’m not sure whether you’ve ever dated this guy, X — or if you’re just hooking up? It sounds like you had sex with him, and he’s told you he doesn’t see a future with you, but is going to stay with you anyway. 😕 That doesn’t make it sound like he respects you. In general, hooking up doesn’t promote respect — just convenience. That’s why I always suggest a dating period so you can get to now someone before you decide to sleep with them or even continue dating them. He doesn’t seem to be able to let go of the fact that you didn’t tell him about one of the guys you had sex with, and so, he doesn’t trust you and is calling you bad names when he thinks you’re involved with other guys. Obviously, this isn’t a great relationship dynamic.

Your title to your post asks for help getting love from this guy, but your last sentences ask for advice. I think that if you’re a woman who wants to fall in love and marry, this guy isn’t going to be your Mr. Right. He doesn’t respect you, and that’s key for a healthy relationship. In general, if you want a guy to love you, you have to find one who is capable of love and who is compatible with you. It sounds like there’s a big gap between what the two of you are looking for in life, and that’s going to create a lot of stress for you, which it already is. I think you can do better with someone else. 😉

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