[Dakota1D]

I’ve been seeing a guy again that I’ve known for a while but broke apart for personal issues. We got to the I love you stage, and then my own hell broke lose. He tells me he loves me more than I know, and wants me. But he’s been talking to his ex because “they are the one” and if they get back together nothing will change we can still hangout, cuddle, “hook up if you want” and stuff. He knows my pretty dark past and that I suffer from depression, suicide thoughts and all. Then he has the nerve to call me his soul mate and that he needs me. I feel so used , and he knows that and apologized (even cried when he said it).. I’m 20 he’s 24 I feel like I’m old enough to kmow better than this. Its just difficult of course

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re a very sensitive person, and knowing that, it’s important that you surround yourself with healthy, honest people who have good character and values that are similar to yours. This guy isn’t right for you, and I think you’ll feel a lot better about yourself and life if you ignore him, move on, and look for people of quality to spend time with. 🙂

[Dakota1D]

I assume you don’t think this is one of those you never know if you don’t take a chance kind of thing?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Definitely not.

He’s offering you a back up spot in his dating roster in case he and his ex get back together because she’s the one for him. Come on. You can do better than that without even trying!! 😉 Especially since you’re a sensitive person with history of depression, it’s very important for you to make healthy choices. He’s clearly not offering you something of value. Next!

[Dakota1D]

[quote=”April Masini”]Definitely not.

He’s offering you a back up spot in his dating roster in case he and his ex get back together because she’s the one for him. Come on. You can do better than that without even trying!! 😉 Especially since you’re a sensitive person with history of depression, it’s very important for you to make healthy choices. He’s clearly not offering you something of value. Next![/quote]

Thank you. I know I do deserve better than that. And I tell him that and try to leave him often, but he tells me to quit thinking I know the future . which he is right about, I don’t know it.. But I’ll never get 100% of him if he stays with me and still believes that the ex was the one. I hate that he can get me to stay, when I know I shouldn’t. But I know he’s not doing it to hurt me, I know that. Its obvious. Its just so hurtful and upsetting.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

He’s not getting you to stay. You’re choosing to stay. You have to stop blaming him for your behavior. 😉 When you’re ready to go, you’ll go. This isn’t about him. It’s about you. 🙂

[Dakota1D]

[quote=”April Masini”]He’s not getting you to stay. You’re choosing to stay. You have to stop blaming him for your behavior. 😉 When you’re ready to go, you’ll go. This isn’t about him. It’s about you. 🙂[/quote]

I don’t blame him for making me stay. Its my choice and I know it. I hate that he can say the things to make me though. Its best for me to cut ties and see if it works out for us or them. The things he tells me makes me think they aren’t going to work. But I know I need to give him the time and space to distance us (mainly for me) what’s the best way to get to that point and to do this?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]I hate that he can say the things to make me though.[/quote]

These are triggers for you. When he says something that makes you feel you have to do something you don’t want to do, it’s an opportunity for you to stop, process what’s happening (as slowly as possible) and decide to make the healthy choice, not the unhealthy one. When you are able to do this is when you’ll change your pattern of behavior. 😉 You’re on your own timeline. No judgment.

[Sally]

What he’s doing is not love. Saying he loves you, calling you his soulmate, leaning on you emotionally, and at the same time keeping his ex as “the one” is selfish. Even if he cries. Even if he apologizes. Tears don’t cancel out behavior. He’s asking for the benefits of closeness without choosing you, and that’s why you feel used because you are.

And knowing your mental health history makes this worse, not better. Someone who truly cares wouldn’t put you in a position that keeps reopening wounds. You’re not weak for struggling with this. You’re human. But you’re right you do know better now.

You don’t need to compete with an ex or share someone who won’t choose you fully. Love should feel steady, not confusing and painful like this. Please protect yourself here. You matter more than being someone’s backup.

[Member]

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