[00jms00]

i am in desperate need of advice. I have been with my fiance for over 3 years. We have a beautiful daughter who is 16 months old. Pre baby we had a healthy sex life. We were probably having sex from about 3-5 times a week. Once i reached about 6 months preggo sex was few and far between. During the end of my pregnancy i didnt care so much because i was huge and uncomfortable….but was looking forward to bringing back the magic back in the bedroom after we had the baby. But unfortunetly that did not happen. Our daughter was sleeping in her own room and all night by 3 months. I made sure that I was on birth control so we had no worries. We are only having sex maybe 1-2 times per month. I have expressed to my fiance how crummy this makes me feel. we went from baby making music….candles….passion….to what i feel is “pitty” sex because i have to complain that hes not giving it to me. I go to bed almost every night by myself because he is to caught up in watching a movie or playing a game. night after night i go to bed lonely. i know that he is faithful to me…and is a family man. but cant help to think that he isn’t atracted to me anymore…i haven’t been able to get rid of all the baby weight. I went to use his computer a couple weeks ago to find that he does watch porn on a regular basis on days that i work while our daughter is napping. I was mad. I understand that watching porn in normal…its healthy….but when your not giving your girl any but have no problem masterbating it was a slap in the face. you could of went to bed with me the night before or sent me to work with a smile. i dont get it. i thought men loved sex…and wanted sex all the time!!! Sex makes me feel reconnected to him…its like hitting the refresh button. I dont know what to do. Ive wrote him a letter….talked to him….over and over. all he says is we will have sex more….but it never happens. I feel like we are happy roommates. I love him very much and the life we have made together. But I need to have my cake and eat it too. what should i do??? 😯

[AskApril Masini]

Don’t talk about the problem. That just makes it worse. And don’t tell him you want more sex or complain about your sex life because that’s just going to want to make him run the other way. Instead, become the woman who seduces the man. 😎 Seduction is often a lost art — but women who understand it, are very happy. 😉 It’s going to take rethinking who you are and how you behave and live together — but clearly, you have to get out of your rut and instead of getting back to what was, you have to recreate this new part of your lives together.

The porn sounds like it is just a symptom of the problem, and not the root of the problem — which is that the two of you aren’t having sex — so don’t spend too much energy on that topic. Instead, focus first on yourself. Get yourself back into shape and reconsider how you’d groom yourself if you were dating a hot guy. Then do that! Buy new lingerie and if you’re still wearing maternity clothes because they’re comfy — stop it! 😕 You need to start looking, acting and dressing like someone who’s going to get the man to want her, not a productive and utilitarian mom.

Next, you need to set the stage. Your home is probably a lot less sexy than it used to be, and it’s a good idea to start recreating a sanctuary in your bedroom, as well as in your social life. Date nights are important as a building block to intimacy and sex, and so, too, are overnights in hotels — in town or out of town, depending on your budget and grandparent babysitting force! 🙂

I’ve written a book for couples who want to get the X back in their sex lives, and it’s called [b]Romantic Date Ideas[/b]. You can buy it here, and read specific dates with tips and advice in detail, that will get you and your fiance back on track. Here’s the link: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/romantic-date-ideas.html[/url].

I hope that helps! 😀

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