[ravi_29_12]

Hi April

I am in a very difficult situation. I joined a new job three months ago and on the third day of my work I saw a very beautiful girl. I do not know but just looking at her always make me happy and excited to date. I looked at her quite often and she did the same, we exchanged looks for about two months and sometimes we stared at each other for few seconds. I was very nervous to talk to her, but one day I lost patience and I met her in our common kitchen. I introduced myself and we did a very short introduction chat (like what your name, how long you have been working here etc). I did not expect she would chat with me that long and moreover she greeted me with her hands. I got terribly nervous and was sweating so I just told her that it was nice meeting you and will see you soon and I rushed off. I was really happy that day.

After that we then used to look at each other, but we did not talked, she smile a couple of time and sometime we stare. I then one day got messed up and mustered all courage and decided to talk to her. After work when she was leaving I went after her and met her on stairs. My feet and hands were trembling as I talked to her and I asked her if I can walk along with her to her car. We then chatted for minutes and talked about places she liked and weather she likes. I was so nervous I told her that I don’t like sunny days and crowded cities, but in actual I do like them Just of pure nervousness I told the opposite. When I realized that I told her that I get very nervous when I look at her and told her she is very pretty and asked her if she would like to meet me after work. To this she responded that she has a boyfriend. I wasn’t sad as this was not the first blow in my life that I had so I just shook hands with her and dashed off.
Later that day I felt very happy that I was able to talk to her as she was the first girl in 10 years that I asked out. I was very good but not best.

Anyhow after that, I tried not to look at her and try to go away from her. But I occasionally found myself looking at her and she also does the same. Not often as we used to do earlier. I had a feeling either she is looking at me to judge whether I look at her or not. But I also found that she also looks at me sometimes and when we look at each other I start to look in other direction,

Sorry about such a long story, but I like her a lot and want to be with her, however I do not want her to break up with her current boyfriend as I know the pain of heart break. I also considered the possibility that she may not actually have a bf but just said it to me to show that she is not interested. Other fact that I consider that we have a huge cultural difference so that may be the fact.

I’d really appreciate if anyone could tell me that should I approach her again maybe differently like a friend or should I just move on. But deep down I know I want her. Please help me tackle this April.

Thanks
Rav

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Men and women can’t be friends because one person always feels differently than the other, and that creates miscommunication, dishonesty, hurt feelings and sometimes, even misery. You don’t really want to be her friend — you want to date her — so don’t put yourself in the friend zone with someone who will never be your friend — she’ll always be someone you want to date.

My advice is to take her at her word. If she does have a boyfriend, then you’ll have to compete for her, and if she doesn’t have a boyfriend and just said she did as an excuse to not go out with you, then you have to consider the rejection. It sounds like you need some dating experience. I’m not sure how old you are, but if you haven’t dated in ten years, as you mentioned, it’s time to get out there and play the field. There are a couple of good reasons for you to do this:

1. It’s great to get experience dating and see what you do and don’t like!

2. She’ll see that you’re attractive to other women (whether or not she knows you’re dating, you’ll give off an aura of confidence) and women like men who are attractive to others!

3. You’ll have practice dealing with your social anxiety, which is going to be a problem with anyone you’re dating, and it will go away the more you practice putting yourself in social situation. 😀

4. You can go back and ask her out on a date again after you’ve played the field for a few months, and if she does have a boyfriend, you can compete for her with some actual social tools in your skill set at that point, and if she doesn’t have a boyfriend (now or then), she may be available and interested! 😉

I hope that helps!

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[ravi_29_12]

Hi

Thanks for the answer. You gave a very good reply.
I am 26 and I do have a social anxiety. Although I manged to break it up with this girl and can now approach anyone without sweating. All I need is just a kick.

Thanks though, I guess I will follow your advice rather than wait for her.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Good luck!

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